[Simon]

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk,
as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already
asleep.

He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed
wearing a long flowing white Robe.

"Who the hell are you?" demanded Dave, "and what are you doing in
my bedroom?"

The mysterious man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St.
Peter." (cue angelic music)

Dave was stunned "You mean I'm dead!?!! That can't be, I have so
much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. . . you've
got to send me back straight away."

St Peter replied "Yes, legislation permits you to be reincarnated
but there is a catch. Due to an administative cock up on the pink
filing cloud we can only send you back as either a dog or a hen."

Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his
house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later - he was covered in feathers and clucking
around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling
welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen
huh, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Dave, "but I have this strange feeling
inside like I'm about to explode."

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've
Never laid an egg before?"

"Never!" replies Dave.

"Well just relax and let it happen"

So he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops
out from under his tail.

An immense feeling of relief and pride swept over him and his
emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the
first time.

When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was
overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the
best thing that ever happened to him Ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg
he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head.
He heard his Wife shouting...

"Dave, wake up you drunken b*stard you've sh!t the bed."