[Peter D]

Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.

'What's that big brass gong for ?' one of the friend's asked. 'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Maori clock' he drunkenly replied. 'A talking Maori clock - seriously ?' 'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).' 'How's it work ?' the second friend asked, squinting at it. 'Just watch' he said.

He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back. His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.

Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed, 'For f*#k's sake, you stupid coconut . It's ten past three in the f*#king morning !!!'