[Pete.]

I've got a dog.
I bought a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big W and was standing in line at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting 'The Meaty Bites Diet' again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 25 kgs before I woke in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.


I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.


I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story,
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned by the food.


I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the middle of the road licking my dick and a car hit me