The 15 Best Tools of All Time

[RobBeddington]

Following Lynn's earlier post:

HAMMER:
Used as a kind of divining rod to locate those oh so expensive parts not far from the object you are trying to hit.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL:
Normally used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until you have lost the will to live, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake lines that go to the rear wheels. Note: You only find out the latter use when you're road-testing the result of your 5-year build, which nearly wrecked your marriage and made you broke. But it's a good comparison between the strength of your chassis and that of the truck you've just rear-ended.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the original sin principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VICE/VISE-GRIPS:
Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand, before you can shout "Shi...!."

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of. Reduces fibreglass panels to unrecognisable blobs in an instant.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your coffee across the room, splattering it against those freshly painted (and still wet) GT stripes.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans rust off those hard to find or obsolete old parts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light (making them even harder to find). Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to shout "Shi....!"

TWEEZERS:
A tool for removing wood splinters and shards of metal, normally after you have used the wire wheel.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR:
A tool that snaps off inside bolt holes and is ten times harder than any drill bit known to man.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER:
A handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a dodo, as you knew all along.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the lids of old-style oil cans and splash oil on your official Ford GT shirt; can also be used, as the name implies and with great effect, to round off Phillips screw heads.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to completely wreck the panel to which is attached that cheap bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent/pence part.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST:
A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of earth/ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect. Also useful for turning your engine and transaxle into a 1/2 ton wrecking ball, damaging all in its path, including your newly painted rear clip.

I think that's covered most of them...

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Rob

[patbarry]

Reminds me of Douglas Adams (I think that's his name) and his Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Good stuff.

[Pete.]

Heheheh [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]Great sense of humour Rob

[JP]

I tell you what the best tool of all time is.

A bottle of bloody good Vodka!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Rick Muck- Mark IV]

That list is part of an story Peter Egan of ROAD & TRACK wrote several years ago.He also had more than 15 tools listed... If he only got a nickel for every time it hass been posted on the 'net, he would be VERY wealthy!

Yes, Vodka makes the pain easier to take..

Rick [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Never the less, it is true!

[Bigend]

I knew I'd seen it before...........

[RobBeddington]

This is the original list before any amendments/improvements/modifications. I've seen it in a number of threads, all different, and with some nice additions along the way.

Peter Egan's original top tools list.

Cheers

Rob

[EarlAbsher]

All purpose tool, duct tape [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Rick Muck- Mark IV]

[ QUOTE ]
All purpose tool, duct tape [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]
Duct tape is like the "force"............................................................ ....................................................it has a dark side and it holds the universe together!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

rick [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[John]

I would put a digital multimeter up there too. And I happen to really think that a plasma cutter is pretty neat! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Howard Jones]

Wheel dollies, They will keep you from asking your wife to help you move "that god damn car again" for the thousand time. Hint; they can be made very cheeply out of plywood and home depot wheels.

[jimbo]

Rob, thank you. These arrived on a day I needed to laugh...I have similar experiences with the instruments I use while operating, but maybe you all don't want to hear about that... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img], I'll try and post them if I can get it organized.