H.B. 602P E-mail charges

Bill Bayard · 03-24-04, 07:29 AM

FYI,

The U.S. government has gone and done it again! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Their latest and greatest "improvement", is a proposed bill

which would charge $0.05 for every e-mail delivered. This

has been in the works for a while, but kept on the Q.T.

Servers would be billed by the government, and then pass on

the expense to us. Based on U.S. averages, this equates to

an additional $180 per year, above and beyond regular

internet service. The U.S. Post Office, bitched that e-

mail is costing them $230,000,000 per year, and this is

Congress' idea of a bailout program. The Post Office would

be the recipient of these new fees. With the many recent

increases in postage costs, who knows where this bill will

lead, if it gets passed! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Is it just me, or does this piss anybody else off? I always

thought that you had to provide a service, to get paid.

They should call it what it is, a TAX! I have no problem

paying taxes, but I resent subsidizing what is essentially

a private enterprise. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

Please let your representatives know that this is a BAD

idea! Sorry for the political diatribe, but thought you

guys might want to know.

Comments?

Bill

Rick Muck- Mark IV · 03-24-04, 07:43 AM

Bill,

I suggest you do a little research on this. I think you will find there is no H.B.602P that refers to email. This "urban legend" has been floating around the web for years and is often connected to "Bill Gates" or some such person!
Hillary got caught with this one when a reporter asked her about it and she said she had taken a posistion against it!

Here is more info..
http://www.house.gov/markgreen/w3c602p.htm

Also I suggest looking at this site to verify possible hoaxes when they are sent to you...it is run by the people in the gummint that are in charge of security for the nuclear industry...http://www.hoaxbusters.ciac.org/
I really like the the old "Goodtimes" virus and the response they post! Worth a look... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

And I love this one...

WARNING!! BEWARE GREEKS(Geeks) BEARING GIFTS!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT IN THE SHAPE OF A LARGE
WOODEN HORSE DO NOT DOWNLOAD IT!!!! It is EXTREMELY
DESTRUCTIVE and will overwrite your ENTIRE CITY!

The "gift" is disguised as a large wooden horse about two
stories tall. It tends to show up outside the city gates
and appears to be abandoned. DO NOT let it through the
gates! It contains hardware that is incompatible with
Trojan programming, including a crowd of heavily armed
Greek warriors that will destroy your army, sack your town,
and kill your women and children. If you have already
received such a gift, DO NOT OPEN IT! Take it back out of
the city unopened and set fire to it by the beach.

FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

Poseidon
[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Rick [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

Rick Muck- Mark IV · 03-24-04, 08:04 AM

More from the CIAC "Hoaxbuster" site...this refers to the "Goodtimes" Trojan virus of some years back, that these are posted shows that at least ONE person in the government has a sense of humor!

Good Times Spoof
The following spoof of the good times hoax is too well done not to include here. We believe this was written by Patrick J Rothfuss; if this is incorrect, we apologize to the true author.

December 1996

READ THIS:

Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but
it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It
will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit
cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.

It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and
leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over. It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit
pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your
gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your
girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to
your Discover card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she
is dead, such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the
grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on
your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It
is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather
interesting shade of mauve.

Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methanphedime in your bathtub
and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase
gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.

Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist.

It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this
message to everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your
family. If anyone else sends me another E-mail about this fake
Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into a religion. I will do
things to them that would make a horsehead in your bed look like
Easter Sunday brunch.

So there, take that Good Times.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another Good_Times Spoof
January 2004

And here is another variant of the Good_Times Spoof. This one started going around 10 years after the Good_Times hoax.

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do
not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only
erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything
on disks within 20 feet of your computer.

It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms
your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses
subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It
will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

It will drink ALL your beer.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are
expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your
Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows
95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your
hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.

******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *******

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart
so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in
front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone.

If you are a blonde, this is a joke!!!

Rick
[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Bill Bayard · 03-24-04, 08:14 AM

Rick,

It was sent by a friend, and I was immediately got steamed,

before researching it's validity. The joke was on me! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Let's hope that this never becomes a reality!

I have always been suspect of government shenannigans, in

case you hadn't guessed!

Bill

flatchat(Chris) · 03-25-04, 07:03 PM

"Like a coiled spring!"thanks Bill
[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Mark Worthington · 03-29-04, 09:05 PM

Rick, your post reminded me of the following email classic...enjoy!

*******************************************************

Subject: What software version are you running?

I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.

I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system.

I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.

The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is written in some obscure language I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend is totally "object-oriented."

A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else.

One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.

Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off.

I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources.

Brian Kissel · 03-30-04, 12:41 AM

So very very true.
Been there, done that, and damned lucky to still have the t-shirt. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
Regards Brian

EarlAbsher · 03-30-04, 10:02 AM

Another one floating around the net, don't know if it's true or not. Maybe some of you guys can help out.

What's the number one food item that paralysis a woman below the waist? Wedding cake [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Brett James-McCall · 03-30-04, 10:36 AM

well if we are gettging into that and to go un-PC... [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

RobBeddington · 03-30-04, 10:56 AM

A variation on Mark's theme - but still amusing.

Eighteen months ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run GirlFriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, GirlFriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Soccer 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

"Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, SlapperSlut 2.1, but it was full of bugs and left a nasty virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. In the meantime, Girlfriend 1.0 kept popping up - very frustrating.

Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0.

While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2003, although the FreeSexPlus programme appeared to corrupt totally on the upgrade to Wife 1.0. In fact the whole Wife 1.0 package appears to be a con.

Indeed, shortly after this upgrade, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeWhineWail. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation.

Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my BWM M3 hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law. Warning - this pop-up cannot be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself."

The final issue is that over a number of years Wife 1.0 upgrades itself to duplicate the Mother-In-Law pop-up. Again, this cannot be turned off.

If only I didn't upgrade from DrinkingMates 4.2 and Playboy 6.9...

Ian Anderson · 03-30-04, 11:19 AM

Diary Entry

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT???"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.

The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different, very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewellery department where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you. She was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this, and you should have seen her face when she said, "I'm ready to go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey, I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face. It went completely blank. I then said, "Really, honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."

I figure that I won't be having sex again until some time after the spring of 2008.

JOSEPH · 03-30-04, 11:32 AM

This stuff starts very young. [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Bill Bayard · 03-30-04, 01:06 PM

A man and wife bear a son, and shortly thereafter, the wife
runs off with the milkman. The man is a good father, and
raises his son well, but based on his experience with his
wife, he warns the son about women every day.

"Son, always remember that women are evil, and the thing

that they have between their legs is vicious, and has

teeth!"

The son grows to be a young man, and goes off to college,
where he meets a girl, whom he falls in love with. They
decide to get married, so the son calls home to break the
news to his father.

"Now, son, remember what I have taught you about women.

They are evil, and that thing between their legs is vicious

and has teeth!"

The son is in love, and ignores the father's warning. The
couple marries, and goes on their honeymoon.
Being inexperienced in love, the son is taken aback when
his new bride returns from the bathroom decked out in a
see through nightie and high heels.

"My dad warned me about women. You are all evil and that

thing you have between your legs is vicious and has teeth!"

The incredulous bride vehemently denies having teeth down
there, and proceeds to prove her point. She lays back on
the bed, pulls up the nightie and spreads her legs.

"See, no teeth!", she says, to which the husband replies,

"It's no wonder with gums like those!" [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img]

**patbarry** · 03-30-04, 06:42 PM

How about this

**patbarry** · 03-30-04, 06:42 PM

And this

Bill Musarra · 03-30-04, 09:19 PM

For everybodys info, there was a little circulated news story that there was a meeting at the UN a day or so ago in Koffy Annon's(?) office between CAIN which is the semi quasi business that assigns the web addresses: .com, .org .pl, .eop (two points if anyone knows what the last two stand for) .gov etc, etc. Their meeting was essentially about turning the running of, or issuing the domain names on the internet over to the UN. If you know much about the UN, then you know that would pretty much destroy the internet as you and I know it today. Read your UN charter for enlightenment.
Bill