ASHES

[Paul Brameld]

Hi Pete,
Well, funny old game eh?
Looks like we may have a series on our hands after all!
Doesn't pay to gloat too soon, me thinks?
Paul

[Paul Brameld]

Hi Pete,
Didn't mean to post twice, bloody gremlin in the puter!
Paul

[Pete.]

Paul, I think the Aussies have let up on you to stop the Barmy Army from catching the next plane home.........
You are right, it is a funny game.
David, there is still plenty of life it seems.

[David Morton]

Seems there is no life left. England snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again.

[Dalton]

Hey, we won. Surprise!!

Dalton

[TimOz40]

Suffer in ya jocks Pommies!!!

[Pete.]

Oh Dear! I do feel sorry for Mr Flintoff, he must be gutted... How do you come back from that?
There is no way I would have backed the Aussies to win this morning. I thought a draw was the best we could hope for........Anyhow,
Orstralia, orstralia, land of the waratah and dahlia, if ya lands in jail we'll bail ya
ORSTRAALIA!! You F***ken Bewdy, So up the old red rooster and more Piss..........

Excuse me, what I really meant to say was please pass the Cabernet Merlot.

Bring on the next one...

[TimOz40]

The had better send Mr Trescothic's shrink out here, to give the whole team some counselling.

[Paul Brameld]

Well done Pete, as we said earlier funny old game. Not so funny from our end but where there is life and all that.
Just a shame that it had to be built around a BAD decision when Strauss was given out, but hey ho..we only need to win 2 out of the remaining 3, easy really....if we select the right team and then they turn up.
Now please go away and get a well deserved hang over, whinge over.
Cheers
Paul

[JimmyMac]

Pete,
I am told that Shane Warne occasionally drinks in my local boozer here in Hampshire, England so if I see him I will send him a Merlot on you !

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by JIMMYMAC

Pete,
I am told that Shane Warne occasionally drinks in my local boozer here in Hampshire, England so if I see him I will send him a Merlot on you !

Just send him a text message.

[JimmyMac]

Excellent !

[Pete.]

Sorry Lads I just could not resist.





*Q. What do Geraint Jones and Michael Jackson have in common?


* A.They both wear gloves for no apparent reason


*Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman applying sunscreen.



Q. What does Ashley Giles put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.


*Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an Englishman?** A. An allrounder.


*Q. What advantage do Kevin Pieterson, Andrew Strauss and Geraint Jones have over the rest of their team-mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.


*Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?* A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. What do you call an Englishman with 100 runs against his name?** A bowler.


*Q. What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by English batsmen?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the English squad?** A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.


*Q. Why is Andrew Flintoff the unluckiest English player?** A. Because he was born in England


*Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.


*Q. What's the English version of LBW?* A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.


*Q. Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone in the English team?
A. The person who ironed the cricket whites.

[Paul Brameld]

Ah but Pete you won't go to heaven...................




An Australian cricket fan dies on match day (probably from drinking too much) and goes to heaven in his Australian cricket shirt.

He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks Saint Peter.

'Hello mate,' the Aussie says.

'No Australian cricket fans in heaven,' replies Saint Peter.

'What?' exclaims the man, astonished.

'You heard, no Australian cricket fans.'

'But, but, but, I've been a good man,' replies the Aussie.

'Oh really,' says Saint Peter. 'What have you done then?'

'Well, three weeks before I died I gave $10 to the starving children in Africa.'

'Oh,' says Saint Peter, 'anything else?'

'Well, two weeks before I died I also gave $10 to the homeless.'

'Hmmm, anything else?'

'Yeah. A week before I died I gave $10 to the Albanian orphans.'

'OK,' said Saint Peter, 'you wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.'

Ten minutes pass before Saint Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, 'I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your $30 back, now shoo.'

[Pete.]

Where have you been hiding Monty? And who are the silly buggers who didn't select him in the first two?
I wont say more in case some of you in a different time zone have taped it.

Game on!

[TimOz40]

Go Gillie!!! 100's for Hussey, Clarke & Gilchrist. England are in the poo!

[Paul Brameld]

Hey Guys,
All us back in England would really like to know how much an umpire costs?
Strauss out 3 times,NOT.

[Paul Brameld]

Hi Pete,
Well done, great performance by the Ausies.
It is now very clear just how much loosing the Ashes last year hurt you guys so much!
BUT next time I doubt that you will have Tubby Warne playing, so make the most of your hold on the little urn.
Let's hope the standard of umpirirng improves!!
Paul

[Paul Brameld]

Hey Pete,
Just to prove we do have a sense of humour, here is a little tale that should appeal to you guys down under

BILLY'S GAY DANCER DAD
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the
children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers
came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry
etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the
teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."

Merry Xmas
Paul

[Pete.]

Good one Paul. Let's hope your Lads give a good account for themselves in the fifth. Although a five blot white wash would be good.