Heard the one about the Duck?.....

[Simon]

Merry Xmas everybody


A Duck walks into a bar and orders a beer.
Barman says, "Hey, you're a duck"
"Nothing wrong with your eyesight," observes the duck.

"Yeah, but I mean - you can TALK" says the barman.
"Guess your ears are fine, too," answers the duck. "Now, can I have a beer please."

Barman serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area.

"Oh," says the duck. "I work on the building site over there.

We'll be here for a couple of weeks, and I'll be in each lunchtime for a pint."

And each day the duck waddles over from his job at the building site and has his lunchtime lager.

Next week, the circus comes to town on its annual round.

Circus owner comes in for a pint, and the barman tells him about the talking duck.

"You should get it into your circus," he says. "Make a lot of money out of a talking duck. I'll speak to him about it."

Following day, the duck comes in at lunchtime.
Barman says: "You know, the circus is in town, and yesterday I was chatting to the owner. He's very interested in you."

"Really? says the duck?"
"Yeah. You could make a lot of money there. I can fix it up for you easily."
"Hang on," said the duck. "You did say a CIRCUS, didn't you?"

"That's right."
"That's one of those tent things, isn't it? With a big
pole in the middle?"
"Yeah!"

"That's canvas, isn't it?" said the duck.
"Of course," replied the barman, "I can get you a job there starting tomorrow. The circus owner's dead keen."

The duck looked very puzzled.
"What the f*** would he want with a plasterer?"

[StuartB]

Nice one.

Here's one that'll do me no good but I had to share it....

A big ugly guy walks into a pub with a HUGE parrot on his arm..
Now this parrot is about four feet tall with a wing span that must go about ten, maybe even fourteen feet... this thing is bigger than any bird he's ever seen!
This bird is every colour of the rainbow, it's massive head is green, brown, black, blue, red, white, orange, every colour you could think of.....
The body's the same, great big splashes of every colour and more.....
Well, the bar man is shocked, he's never seen a bird like it, in pictures, at the zoo, so he's standing back looking at this amazing creature and says...
"My god, where the hell did you get a bloody great thing like that?"
"Ireland" replies the parrot, "there's millions of them."

[Rick Muck- Mark IV]

A moron walked into a doctors office with a frog growing out of his forehead. "My god!!!" the doctor exclaimed, "how did THAT happen?"

"It started with a wart on my arse" said the frog......................

Rick (nuyk, nuyk)