The Squirrel and the Grasshopper

[Pete.]

Just change the names to suit.


The original version.

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press Conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; which cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and the Grasshopper Council of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".
Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the Squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre.
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrels' taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to Furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilizes it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice.
On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians Apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.
Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of The squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug "Illness".
The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.
Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10,000,000 and State the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticized by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the Press blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid a million dollars each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia.
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.

THE END!

[Russ Noble]

Pete, for goodness sake don't drive that 40 too far from home. You might forget how to get back!! Must be something in the Ozzie beer!

Remember this discussion?

The squirrel and the Grasshopper.

Anyone want to add anything?

Cheers

[Howard Jones]

Sounds just like California.

[Dean Lampe]

Welcome to America! Switch a few popular hollywood figuires and it is the same story here. Lack of responsibilty If you are poor, hungry, homeless, strung out or what ever, it is because you made bad choices. The American dream is alive and well for those who get up in the morning and grab it. Unfortunately, our government has created a since of intitlement so the lazy believe they deserve the same as everyone else.

Wow, to much caffine to night!!!

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by Russ Noble

Pete, for goodness sake don't drive that 40 too far from home. You might forget how to get back!! Must be something in the Ozzie beer!

Remember this discussion?

The squirrel and the Grasshopper.

Anyone want to add anything?

Cheers

Sure I do Russ, but it is one of my favourites and we have a lot of new members. I thought it was worth repeating.

[David Briggs]

Does sound a lot like California! Did Jane Fonda migrate to Australia?

[Russ Noble]

Yeah, and WW2 has just about run it's course so we need to keep up the excitement. Life's been a bit dull since Ollie got booted off! I think we should have a go at religion shortly!

Who wants to start that one off!

Meanwhile back to the poor grasshopper. :-)

Cheers

[Pete.]

Cheer up Russ the Kiwis won last night.

[Pete.]

Originally Posted by 561234

Does sound a lot like California! Did Jane Fonda migrate to Australia?

She would be well advised not to. There are a lot of Vets over here that remember her.

[Freewheel]

Timely Pete,

There's been somebody just across the road threatening to neck themselves over some injustice or other.

The boss refused to let me donate some rope, at least on his time. I could see he was tempted though.......

When I clocked off I couldn't be bothered going over to see if they were still there. No doubt I'll see them on TV tonight, I wonder if there'll be a grasshopper in the background????

[Keith Hardy]

Originally Posted by Russ Noble

Yeah, and WW2 has just about run it's course so we need to keep up the excitement.

Nah, I don't think it had REALLY run it's course - WW 1 1/2 is still a very evocative issue especially for us, of particular interest of course is the emergence of the global economy and world politique arising out of the ashes of the conflict but I think everyone backed off a bit to avoid confrontation. To enjoy a good healthy debate, it needs combatants, sorry, participants, who respect others viewpoints as long as they're expressed sincerely and without malice and "blame".

That maybe wasn't going to happen and it possibly never will on a truly international forum such as this. So many different cultures and viewpoints makes it fascinating reading, but, discretion being the better part of valour, perhaps it's just as well it faded.......

[Brett James-McCall]

Pete,
You missed ou thte part where they all get a grant to move out from a suburb (read central London), buy houses and then sart pyramid schemeing under the banner of "The Tabernacle of the Lost Sailor Cats and St Peter"....

Brett

PS How are you???

[Pete.]

I'm fine thanks for asking, happy new year.