Charlie Farley
Supporter
With typical flamboyance and fanfare, France's President, this week, announced that France is to rejoin Nato's military command after 40 years of self-imposed exile.
It was in 1966, that President Charles de Gaulle pulled out of the heart of the alliance, claiming it undermined French independance and sovereignty.
While its allies have publicly welcomed this return, a fundamental question seems to have been ignored, namely, do we really want the French back ?
Since World War II, the French and its army have been seen by many as standard bearers for surrender, cowardice and military ineptitude.
But at least they have made us laugh. Here's a selection of jokes about the people memorably described in The Simpsons TV series, as cheese - eating surrender monkeys....
Q. What do you call 100,000 people with their hands up ?
A. The French Army.
Q. Why are there so many tree lined roads in France ?
A. Because the German Army likes to march in the shade.
Q. Why do the french get the most votes in the UN ?
A. Because they vote with both hands.
Q. Why is the French fighter aircraft called the 'Mirage' ?
A. Because it doesn't exist.
Q. Why is the French Foreign Legion the only decent fighting force in the entire French Army ?
A. Because it's made up of foreigners.
Q. What does the new French Army flag look like ?
A. A white cross on a white background.
Q. What is the shortest book ever written ?
A. French War Heroes.
Q. What is the most useful item in French armoured units ?
A. A rear view mirror.
Q. Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their navy ?
A. To see their other ships.
True Quote :
" I would rather have a crack German Division infront of me, than a French one behind me "
'General George S Patton'.
A long time ago, the British and French were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English Colonel. The French took him back to their headquarters and a French General began to question him. The French General asked " Why do you British officers all wear red coats ? Dont you know the red material makes you an easy target for us to shoot at ?"
In his British way, the Colonel informed the General that the reason British officers wore red coats, was so that if they were shot, the blood would not show and the men they were leading would not panic.
And that is why, from that day until now, all French officers wear brown trousers.
Ok, jokes aside, i would like to end this , with two true examples of why i feel at the least , antagonistic towards chauvanist French opinions of themselves.
1. An officer in the US Naval Reserve was attending a conference of officers from the US Navy and French navy. A French Admiral complained that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. Without hesitating a US Admiral replied: " Maybe its because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and Americans, arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German!!"
And this is the killer :
In 1966 , upon being told that Charles de Gaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all US troops must be evacuated from French soil, President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk; " Ask him about the cemeteries, Dean ! "
So, at the end of the meeting, Dean asked de Gaulle if his order to remove all US troops from French soil also included the 68,000 plus American soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II.
De Gaulle never answered.
Vive le France !!
It was in 1966, that President Charles de Gaulle pulled out of the heart of the alliance, claiming it undermined French independance and sovereignty.
While its allies have publicly welcomed this return, a fundamental question seems to have been ignored, namely, do we really want the French back ?
Since World War II, the French and its army have been seen by many as standard bearers for surrender, cowardice and military ineptitude.
But at least they have made us laugh. Here's a selection of jokes about the people memorably described in The Simpsons TV series, as cheese - eating surrender monkeys....
Q. What do you call 100,000 people with their hands up ?
A. The French Army.
Q. Why are there so many tree lined roads in France ?
A. Because the German Army likes to march in the shade.
Q. Why do the french get the most votes in the UN ?
A. Because they vote with both hands.
Q. Why is the French fighter aircraft called the 'Mirage' ?
A. Because it doesn't exist.
Q. Why is the French Foreign Legion the only decent fighting force in the entire French Army ?
A. Because it's made up of foreigners.
Q. What does the new French Army flag look like ?
A. A white cross on a white background.
Q. What is the shortest book ever written ?
A. French War Heroes.
Q. What is the most useful item in French armoured units ?
A. A rear view mirror.
Q. Why do the French have glass bottom boats in their navy ?
A. To see their other ships.
True Quote :
" I would rather have a crack German Division infront of me, than a French one behind me "
'General George S Patton'.
A long time ago, the British and French were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English Colonel. The French took him back to their headquarters and a French General began to question him. The French General asked " Why do you British officers all wear red coats ? Dont you know the red material makes you an easy target for us to shoot at ?"
In his British way, the Colonel informed the General that the reason British officers wore red coats, was so that if they were shot, the blood would not show and the men they were leading would not panic.
And that is why, from that day until now, all French officers wear brown trousers.
Ok, jokes aside, i would like to end this , with two true examples of why i feel at the least , antagonistic towards chauvanist French opinions of themselves.
1. An officer in the US Naval Reserve was attending a conference of officers from the US Navy and French navy. A French Admiral complained that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. Without hesitating a US Admiral replied: " Maybe its because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and Americans, arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German!!"
And this is the killer :
In 1966 , upon being told that Charles de Gaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all US troops must be evacuated from French soil, President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk; " Ask him about the cemeteries, Dean ! "
So, at the end of the meeting, Dean asked de Gaulle if his order to remove all US troops from French soil also included the 68,000 plus American soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II.
De Gaulle never answered.
Vive le France !!
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