UK Driving tips

IanAnderson · Jul 21, 2011

I can join the motorway at any speed I choose, it’s your job to avoid me

I will drive in the outside lane of the motorway at 60 mph, you shouldn’t be overtaking me because that’s the speed limit anyway (isn’t it?)

I will drive in the right hand lane of a dual carriageway at 40 mph for two miles because I am turning right at the end of it, and I don’t want to risk not being able to pull over when I get there

I will go round four-fifths of this roundabout in the left lane, because staying in the right hand lane and moving left at my exit means actually thinking about what I am doing. Deal with it

I will thrash the pants off my pathetic little car to stop you getting in front of me at the lights, then slow down to 40 again

I don’t need to see over the steering wheel, I can see fine through this little gap here between the dashboard and the wheel

I like to sit with the wheel three inches from my chest as I have more control

I will drive two feet behind this truck at 40 mph for thirty miles because overtaking is too hard, but don’t you dare try to pull in between me and the truck when overtaking

When I see a speed camera, even if it is on the opposite carriageway, I will slow down by 20 mph, even though I am already woefully below the limit, to show everyone how observant I am

In slow moving traffic I will drive so close behind you that you can’t even tell what kind of car I am in, I’m trying to read your speedometer through your back window

When manoeuvring my car out of a parking space, I won’t actually turn my wheel more than 30 degrees from vertical, I don’t want it to snap off

Don’t you dare overtake when I am coming the other way, even though I am half a mile away and moving at a speed not detectable by the naked eye

I go at 45 mph everywhere, in villages and on the open road, because varying my speed means actually thinking about what I am doing

I have a right to drive exactly how I like and it’s everybody else’s job to deal with it

I don’t actually look ahead or concentrate at all, I am too busy thinking about last night’s ‘Eastenders’, but I drive so slowly it doesn’t really matter.

I’ve been driving ‘fot’ty year’ and never had an accident, but I’ve seen lots in my rear-view mirror

My other car is a Y-reg Citroen

I won’t lock my three enormous shaggy panting dogs in the boot area, they are like children to me, they like to sit in the front and see where we are going

What do you mean this is a one way street? I always used to come down here. In 1972. What road signs?

Don't you dare question my driving ability, i have been driving like this since before you were born

Paul B · Jul 21, 2011

Absolutely 100% spot on, God help us from these morons. :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

molleur · Jul 21, 2011

Simply switch driving lanes and it the same here too. My frustration is with those
"snowbirds" that all break thier respective left hands when they come south of the Mason-Dixon line. Never use turn signals!

If you really wish to see it all, try driving in North Miami!

Pete · Jul 22, 2011

molleur said:
Simply switch driving lanes and it the same here too.
If you really wish to see it all, try driving in North Miami!

Or Brisbane:veryangry:

mikegaan · Jul 22, 2011

You left out the one that goes:

I like to drive side by side with the person in the other lane because I'm keeping up with traffic and I don't have to look at my speedometer...45 MPH uphill, 65 mph downhill, whatever. No reason for you to want to pass.

Having recently driven from Derbyshire down to Heathrow on various A and M roads, I think the "percentage" of 'screw you, I'm driving the way everyone should drive' people is higher in the States. I think in general there is more courtesy and knowledge in the U.K....andf I didn't see as many cell phone talkers and texters.

MN12 · Jul 22, 2011

molleur said:
Simply switch driving lanes and it the same here too. My frustration is with those
"snowbirds" that all break thier respective left hands when they come south of the Mason-Dixon line. Never use turn signals!

If you really wish to see it all, try driving in North Miami!

No thanks I commuted from Palm Beach Gardens to Ft Lauderdale for 10 years. When my corp offered to move me to N GA I took it sight unseen. One of those predatory snowbirds is responsible for 3 ruptured disks in my back

molleur · Jul 22, 2011

When frequently asked for directions from "Snowbirds", my advice is always:
"I-95 North for 1200 miles".

Paul B · Jul 22, 2011

Hi Ian,
You forgot another ace example...................
The middle lane driver, normally not male, that stays on your tail in the middle lane as you are overtaking a line of cars while the outside lane is totally empty due to the fact that the outside lane must be dangerous! Durrrrrr

Clivec · Jul 23, 2011

Hey Pete,

Had a recent trip through Brissy to Lakeside.

Amazed that some of the traffic lights seemed to run on hourglass time.

Even as a passenger I was climbing up the wall.

Clive

CharlieM · Jul 23, 2011

molleur said:
When frequently asked for directions from "Snowbirds", my advice is always:
"I-95 North for 1200 miles".

Please, send them west, maybe they won't find their way back up here after.

Charlie

Mesa · Jul 23, 2011

Hey!
Leave us out of this. We have enough problemas over here with 'imports', we don't need no stinking snowbirds competing for worst driver awards. Some are 'nerds', some are imports, some are imported nerds. Had an occurrence last night actually, Prius driver - bound and determined to match exactly my center lane speed while driving in the 'fast' lane. God only knows how many people were stacking up behind her, thought never occurred to her to use the mirror..,,,actually 'thought' (consideration) never occurred....

Mesa · Jul 23, 2011

That reminds me. I have to give kudos to Los Angeles for the best drivers (in the dry). LA is the home of the 70 MPH traffic jamb, they skillfully move in and out while bumper to bumper at 70 and above (it's a matter of survival there). But as soon as it rains....all bets are off. You have never seen so many BMW and Mercs backed up embankments and spun off into ditches in your life...all in a matter of seconds of a first rain. Seriously.

CharlieM · Jul 24, 2011

Same thing happens here with the first snowfall. The funny part is most of the vehicles spun off into the ditch are 4-wheel drive pickups and SUVs.

Mark Pickford · Jul 25, 2011

My worst experience was driving in Greece. Those nutters have single-lane roads with hard-shoulders intermittently. They then drive (mainly trucks and buses) on the shoulder, (when there is one) and cut back in when there isn't, regardless of whats actually in the proper lane at the time. Seriously scary when they round a bend on the mountainside, to find a broken-down vehicle on the shoulder!
Worse still are the roads where there is one lane in each direction and a middle lane for passing. The middle lane is shared between both directions. They just play chicken with each other. I kid you not, they have to jam on the brakes at 90MPH and cut back in when another car is coming the other way and neither one wants to yeild. I am surprised I lived through it.
No wonder they all drive around endlessly playing with their 'worry/pray' beads in their hands.

Keith1 · Jul 25, 2011

CharlieM said:
Same thing happens here with the first snowfall. The funny part is most of the vehicles spun off into the ditch are 4-wheel drive pickups and SUVs.

There is a simple reason for that. I'm afraid they are lulled into a sense of false security by the marketing oiks who fail to point out that whilst it (4x4) may have superior traction in certain conditions it will still brake like a German Shepherd on a polished floor despite the fancy electronic gizmos.

It does require more than a couple of grammes of brain power to negotiate ice and snow safely whatever you drive and sometimes, the smart money is on staying at home!

GTJoe · Jul 26, 2011

Ian, things are no better in Australia.

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I looked away for a couple seconds! And when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the Big Mac out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an Important call.

Bloody women drivers!!

David Morton · Jul 26, 2011

Maltese. On the Island they call home. Nothing worse and they defy description.
I was issued a summons when a vehicle in front of me, piled oh so high and oh so wide with market produce decided to reverse at a road junction. He had no mirrors fitted on the pick up truck at all. I was prosecuted for not allowing a enough space to the vehicle in front. Luckily I had my Nikon and produced countless photographs in court including the fact he was driving totally overloaded and driving a mirror free car . Get this - the judge told me one more incident involving me and this incident would also be taken into account and I would lose my Maltese driving licence.
It was spashed all over the Times of Malta because I had not removed my licence plate (All Malts remove them before the press arrive - even if they are at deaths door). Oh yes - the other driver had about 50 witnesses as well (All Malts) even though it was 0400 hrs in the morning. Both cars were still there at 0900 but his had been unloaded by that time and now showing that he could see rearwards through his back window. He denied ever having a load but the pictures got him. Then he denied it was his truck as he'd removed the plates almost the instant it happened.

trader · Jul 26, 2011

Molleur Is 100% correct except that he didn't mention all of the "snow birds" that come down here and decide to drive not only on the wrong side of the road but also the WRONG WAY!!! It's like a signal to real southerners that winter is here once we start to see and hear about this seasonal but not so rare event. It goes something like >>> Oh hey did you hear about ..... driving the wrong way down a one way ..... crash .... summer is officially over!!!!!

TA152 · Jul 26, 2011

Is it worldwide the the old cannot turn their heads 50 degrees? That is how I will gauge when I arrive at "OLD".
The 'snow birds' are here with us (Western NC) during the summer. Mostly seen only during hours of daylight. If they are out at night they are usually lost or looking for a drugstore to drive through the front door with the Buick...with the left hand turn signal on.
My hat is off to the German drivers. Very good and it seems most try to be where they should be with reference to the highway lanes.

UK Driving tips

Ian Anderson

Paul Brameld

Jack

Pete McCluskey.

Mike

TimB

Jack

Paul Brameld

clive

Charlie M

Mesa

Mesa

Charlie M

Mark

Keith

Roy

David Morton

Damian

Grady

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