Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down.
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. If a A Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
“If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” ~ George W. Bush
”We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.” ~ Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.
“When the President does it that means that it’s not illegal.” ~ Richard M. Nixon
“Exercise freaks … are the ones putting stress on the health care system.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
”Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
“Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” (sic) ~ George W. Bush
“Good Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.” ~ Jerry Falwell
“As yesterday’s positive report card shows, childrens (sic) do learn when standards are high and results are measured.” ~ George W. Bush
“Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them.” ~ Jerry Falwell
“Facts are stupid things.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“How did [the Holocaust] happen? Because God allowed it to happen… because God said, ‘My top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel.’” ~ Rev. John Hage
“Our gays are more macho than their straights.” ~ Ann Coulter, commenting in 2005 on Jeff Gannon, the conservative plant in the White House press corps who turned out to be a male escort
“This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” ~ George W. Bush
“Trees cause more pollution than automobiles.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“[America has to import so many workers because] for the last 35 years we have aborted more than a million people who would have been in our workforce.” ~ Mike Huckabee
”I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged.” ~ Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia
“I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld
“My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You’re facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don’t think too much further than that. And so… what you’ve got to do is you’ve got to curtail that type of behavior. They don’t know any better.” ~ Andre Bauer
”Well, I learned a lot….I went down to (Latin America) to find out from them and (learn) their views. You’d be surprised. They’re all individual countries.” ~ Ronald Reagan
“We have a lot of work to do. It’s a very hard struggle, particularly given the situation on the Iraq-Pakistan border.” ~ John McCain (the countries share no common border)
“The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them.” ~ Rush Limbaugh
”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.” ~ Rep. Virginia Foxx
“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” ~ George W. Bush
What I don’t know is what the unexpected might be.” ~ John McCain
I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
”The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” ~ Pat Robertson
“President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far broader scale.”~ Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, testifying before Congress
“Juarez is reported to be the most dangerous city in America.” ~ Rick Perry
“You can always follow me on Tweeter.” ~ Rick Perry
“Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself!” ~ Herman Cain
“From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.” ~ Rick Perry, on the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, in 2010
“I had other priorities in the sixties than military service.” ~ Dick Cheney on his five draft deferments
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But I didn’t live in this century.” ~ Vice President Dan Quayle
“The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is. A manly man don’t want it piled high with vegetables! He would call that a sissy pizza.” ~ Herman Cain
“I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter.” ~ Michele Bachmann on the HPV vaccine. (It doesn’t cause mental retardation.)
“These are not bad people. All they are concerned about is to see that their sweet little girls are not required to sit in school alongside some big overgrown Negroes.” ~ President Eisenhower commenting on racial segregation after the Brown vs. Board of Education decision.
“This president, I think, has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture….I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people, I’m saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist.” ~ Glenn Beck
“I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” ~ George W.Bush
“I feel the best way to ensure Americans’ freedom is to tighten restrictions on that freedom in any way possible. Only through wiretaps, illegal searches and seizures, unfettered government intrusion, a controlled media and a complete crackdown on free speech can we ensure the liberties of all people.” ~ Attorney General John Ashcroft
“What a terrible thing to have lost one’s mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is.” ~ Vice President Dan Quayle
“Michele Bachmann… I’m not going to say it. I’m not going to say it…. Tutti-frutti. I know I’m going to get in trouble!” ~ Herman Cain on the different flavors of ice cream to which he’d compare his primary competitors.
“When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I’m just like, ‘Oh shut up’ I’m so sick of them because they’re always complaining.” ~ Glenn Beck
”I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann
“I love California; I practically grew up in Phoenix.” ~ Dan Quayle
“He is purple – the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle – the gay pride symbol.” ~ Jerry Falwell’s warning to parents that “Tinky Winky of Teletubbies, may be gay
“The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.” ~ Rep. Lamar Smith
“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” ~ Rep. Michele Bachmann
“If Lincoln were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave. ~ Gerald Ford (on Nixon and Watergate)
“Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?” ~ Rick Santorum
“I should tell my story. I’m also unemployed.” ~ Mitt Romney
“I saw the young man over there with eggs Benedict, with hollandaise sauce. And I was going to suggest to you that you serve your eggs with hollandaise sauce in hubcaps. Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.” ~ Mitt Romney
“I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions and they’re already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, you know, I don’t know. Do you know?” ~ Herman Cain
“They [China] have indicated that they’re trying to develop nuclear capability and they want to develop more aircraft carriers like we have. So yes, we have to consider them a military threat.” ~ Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain, warning that China could develop nuclear weapons. (They developed them in 1964.)
“If you’ve seen one city slum, you’ve seen them all.” ~ Spiro Agnew
“Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”” ~ Orrin Hatch
“I went to a number of women’s groups and said: ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.” ~ Mitt Romney
“We have a president, who I think is a nice guy, but he spent too much time at Harvard, perhaps.” ~ Mitt Romney
“We need a leader, not a reader.” ~ Herman Cain
“How do you say ‘delicious’ in Cuban?” ~ Herman Cain
”A poet once said, ‘Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.’” ~ Herman Cain, using the theme song of the Pokemon movie in the closing statement of the first GOP debate in 2012
