Out of the mouths of school children

Thanks to Richard, a history teacher at St Paul's School, some New Year cheer.

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF SCHOOL CHILDREN.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah desert and travelled by camelot.

Certain areas of the Sarah desert are cultivated by irritation.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures.

Cain asked, 'Am I my brother's son?'

One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharoah forced the Hewbrew slaves to make bread without straw.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

David fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Homer also wrote the 'Oddity' in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses had to endure on his journey.

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games the Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath.

The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands.

There were no wars in Greece as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over the top to see what their neighbours were doing.

Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.

Joan of Arc was cannonised by George Bernard Shaw.


Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

Martin Luther died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.

Sir Walter Raleigh is an historical figure as he invented cigarettes.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 ft clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery.

Henry V111 had difficulty in walking as he had an abbess on his knee.

When Queen Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah'. Then her navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

Shakespeare lived in Windsor with his merry wives and wrote tragedies, comedies and errors.

Milton wrote 'Paradise Lost'. Then his wife died and he wrote 'Paradise Regained.'

Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic.

Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility.

Under the Constitution people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy and he was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.

Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while travelling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.


Voltare invented electricity.

Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in Autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he wrote very loud music.

Then the Spanish gorillas came down and nipped at Napoleon's flanks.

Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness she couldn't bear him any children.


The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire in the East and the sun sets in the west.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy.

Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the 'Organ of the Species.'

Madman Curie discovered radium.

Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch Duck by a serf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

And finally, from a different source, 'The harvesting was done by a concubine harvester.'

Enjoy!
Andre 40
 
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