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  1. J

    Jokes anyone? -

  2. J

    Books

    I have come to the point in life that it is time to de-clutter and have the following books which I purchased in the late 80's and have left sitting in the bookcase ever since. Ford vs. Ferrari - Revised Edition by Anthony Pritchard published 1984 GT40 by Ronnie Spain published 1986...
  3. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Thoughts on Golf Golf and What It All Means 'Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good pint of beer.' Golf! You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing...
  4. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Irish golfer A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and...
  5. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they're...
  6. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    NASA sent a team of astronauts to the hottest part of the desert in Arizona to train for their forthcoming 30 month voyage to Mars. One day they come across a couple of American Indians. The father, who only spoke Navajo, asked his son what they were up to . "My father wants to know what you're...
  7. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard. 'WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?' Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: 'I've come for some courage.' 'NO PROBLEM!'...
  8. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour." The interviewer says, "That will...
  9. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Car Language A daughter asked her dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, 2 lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper." Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and pulls out his...
  10. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the two words, "Complete" and "Finish". In a recently held linguistic competition held in London attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man was the clear winner with a standing ovation...
  11. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Love The Irish Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish...
  12. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    At a bar ... Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen here, good looking. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down...
  13. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    It was the Scotland/Wales rugby International weekend in Edinburgh and as the crowds made their way down Princes’ Street towards Murrayfield, a Rottweiler suddenly lunged towards an eight year old Scottish lass, with its jaws wide open ready to attack. The crowd nearby gasped in horror but...
  14. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    The Royal Navy The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence. The next five ships are to...
  15. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    The Preacher says, "Anyone with needs to be prayed for, come forward to the front, at the altar!" Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you." Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The...
  16. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Continuing on the same subject you may like to look at this link YouTube - Billy Connolly - Colonoscopy The Great Billy Connolly
  17. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    Does this sound familiar ?? A group of 40 year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts. 10 years later, at...
  18. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    ZEN TEACHINGS 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone. 2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any. 3. No one is...
  19. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    A woman with a black eye, goes to the doctor. The doctor asks her: "What happened?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he knocks me around.." The doctor replies: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home...
  20. J

    Jokes anyone? -

    The Dark Side Of Women... A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang. It was...
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