Jokes anyone? -

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met."

"The other night my wife met me at the door in nothing but sexy high heels. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."

"I decided to be honest with my wife and tell her I'm seeing a psychiatrist. She said 'That's OK, I'm seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender'"

"I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and he said 'Rodney, you're crazy.' I said I wanted a second opinion. He said 'OK, you're ugly too.'"

All courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield. Absolutely brilliant man.
 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met."

"The other night my wife met me at the door in nothing but sexy high heels. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."

"I decided to be honest with my wife and tell her I'm seeing a psychiatrist. She said 'That's OK, I'm seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers and a bartender'"

"I went to see my psychiatrist the other day and he said 'Rodney, you're crazy.' I said I wanted a second opinion. He said 'OK, you're ugly too.'"

All courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield. Absolutely brilliant man.
He was funny to the end.
When he entered the hospital to have his heart surgery, a reporter asked him how long his stay would be.
His reply was something like, "If all goes right, about a week. If things don't go right, about an hour and a half."
 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
'VERY SHORT VERSION (!):

The Lone Ranger and his faithful Indian companion Tonto set up camp at the end of a very long day they'd spent riding across the plains and soon fell fast asleep in their tent.

In the middle of the night, Lone Ranger wakes up with a start, looks up at the sky and shakes Tonto awake.

“Tonto - look up at the sky! What do you see?!

“Tonto see many stars in the sky”, he Replies.

“That's right, Tonto! What does that tell you?"

“Astrologically speaking, stars tell Tonto universe big place. Contain many stars and planets. Theologically speaking, stars tell Tonto God is great. He create universe. He create Earth...all fish in sea...all birds in sky...all animals and people ON Earth. Meteorologically speaking, stars tell Tonto we have nice day tomorrow. What starts tell you, Kimo Sabe?"

To which Lone Ranger replied;

"Tonto, you're a certifiable moron. The stars tell ME some thieving lowlife stole our tent...”
 
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