New! The Old White Guy Channel!

Keith

Moderator
On the first day, God created the dog and said, sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this I will give you a life span of twenty years....

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And God said that it was good - and so it was.


On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."


The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God again said that it was good - and so it was.


On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."


The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good - and so it was.


On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."


But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"


"Okay," said God, "You asked for it." - and so it was.


So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.


For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.


For the last ten years, we become Old White Guys, sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.


That is the meaning of life.
 

Keith

Moderator
OLD WHITE GUY'S T - SHIRT

Inept.jpg
 
Keith's post depicting the Grey T-Shirt and message describing a method of government, does not indicate any particular political party does it?

Funny Jim, that you instantly aligned yourself with it and identified that the description clearly best describes the methodology of your favoured party!

Keep up the defence Jim et al. The machine has broken down and someone needs to forget blame, grow a pair, step up and work to fix it. Together would be nice, but without you if necessary.
 

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
This must be North American, because of the donuts and the way it is spelled, but applies equally well here I think.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill
, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing
community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money
from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
 

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
Deleted mail.
I considered it but probably a bit too inflammatory for those 'radical preacher huggers'
in the U.S.A. to tolerate.

Indidentally, here in High Wycombe area in the U.K. (OUR Country), we have large areas of beautiful woodland now off limits to the public, or under permanent closed circuit TV security. All because some local radical preacher converted some youngsters to fly to Afghanistan, and attend the technical college of Al Queda up in the hills. At this place they learned all sorts of skills like electronics, munitions, and acting amongst continual reading of the so called holy books. Apparently they also recorded some videos while they were there with their newly found acting skills, with them saying how they were going to pull the girls - loads of virgin girls at that.
When they returned to the UK they set up a club in this area - the area where I live as well - was it called the Mile high Club I ask?
Their intent was to blow central London a Mile High with massive explosives. (London is OUR capital - in OUR country)
I wonder what sort of thing goes through their mind as they try to detonate their bombs.
Answers on a post card please.

I dropped a friend and his wife off at LHR to fly to LAX and then on to Aucland airport.
For enhanced security reasons, he had to check in 3 hours before departure. Have you ever stopped to wonder why? Why we are being so inconvenienced by airport security? Why we cannot take a bottle of water to drink through the xray areas. Why they confiscate half of your toiletries. Why they take and keep your tiny swiss army knife. Why the poppy you have just bought and are wearing in your lapel is confiscated and thrown in a bin with a thousand other poppies. Why you have to take your shoes off. Why you have to take your belt off. Now - because they think its funny, you have to remove your watch as well. Why you have to shuffle back and forth through the body scanning machine because some fucking burka wearing tart keeps saying you are conceiling something when you keep telling this ignorant shithead that all the metal in your body was legally put there by a surgeon and cannot be removed for the sake of her gratification so you have to wait for a male supervisor to come and pat you down to make sure.
My last trip through security took nearly 12 minutes from being at the head of the queue to putting my belt and shoes back on.
The bulk of the time was being in the queue - and I am usually allowed to be 'fast tracked' as well.



And still they keep coming.
 
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Keith

Moderator
Nothing better than an old white guy in full flow!!!!

:thumbsup:

Mark, well spotted mate. What an astonishing response (and therefore admission by default)!

Well, this is the Old White Guy channel after all.. :laugh:
 

Ian Anderson

Lifetime Supporter
Keith
Isn't the Old White Guy Channel the BBC?

People like Wogan, Brucie etc certainly fits the name of this thread!:laugh:

Ian
 
I was mid sentence and the page refreshed and I lost it, so I'll try to re-type it again. Perhaps Keith, you can retreive the first draft for me? ;)

Come on Jim, rather than slinging mud and defensive counter-images of other T-Shirt slogans, explain or demonstrate where anything written on the grey shirt (tongue-in-cheek or not), does not adequately and fairly accurately, describe the general operations of both your governmental system and ours. I don't see any blame being pointed in any particular direction directly.

Why do you align yourself with a defence of such a crappy system? Why do you insist upon constantly blaming the other guy for all of our woes? Can you not accept that perhaps, both sides are equally responsible over a period of the last ten or so decades, for screwing us over?

Personally I feel ever stronger, that the best vote is no vote. But for that to work, we all must align ourselves and remove our support from the entire folly that is the party-political structure.
 

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
Nice not to know what the f--k some people are spouting on about.
Anyway, change of tack;
Our stupid prime minister (lower case intentionally) is about to commit us to another war which is becoming so much more bloody - hour by hour. The Middle East is a volatile powder keg awaiting to erupt.
The R.A.F. is about to cancel any leave for key operational squadrons and I am 'informed' that the U.S.N. has already amassed a fleet in the eastern Mediterranean.
A detachment of U.S.N. Seals are about three thousand miles south east of here. Apparently you are not supposed to know that.
Our Secretary of State for Defence was told yesterday we have no more forces or ships or tanks or aircraft carriers. One third of our AWACS fleet is airborne in Afghanistan meaning another third is also committed there.
Our Typhoons (up to 12 or 1.5 squadrons) have apparently flown to Cyprus along with four tankers.
Thats a secret apparently.
Will the Palestinians and their territories be destroyed or will the Israelis finish their continual bullying tactics. Will the Syrian Army will be destroyed where they stand or will some sort of sense prevail?
We don't need another war to get involved in but it's beginning to look that will happen imminently.




 

Ian Anderson

Lifetime Supporter
An old white naval officer decided he needed to "get a bit"

So he put on his old uniform and headed for the correct end of town where he procured the services of a "lady"

A while later the lady stated "You're doing 3 Knots"

To which the get replied "Wow is that good?"

She replied
"It's not hard"
"It's not in"
and "You're not getting your money back!"
 

Keith

Moderator
Nice not to know what the f--k some people are spouting on about.
Anyway, change of tack;
Our stupid prime minister (lower case intentionally) is about to commit us to another war which is becoming so much more bloody - hour by hour. The Middle East is a volatile powder keg awaiting to erupt.
The R.A.F. is about to cancel any leave for key operational squadrons and I am 'informed' that the U.S.N. has already amassed a fleet in the eastern Mediterranean.
A detachment of U.S.N. Seals are about three thousand miles south east of here. Apparently you are not supposed to know that.
Our Secretary of State for Defence was told yesterday we have no more forces or ships or tanks or aircraft carriers. One third of our AWACS fleet is airborne in Afghanistan meaning another third is also committed there.
Our Typhoons (up to 12 or 1.5 squadrons) have apparently flown to Cyprus along with four tankers.
Thats a secret apparently.
Will the Palestinians and their territories be destroyed or will the Israelis finish their continual bullying tactics. Will the Syrian Army will be destroyed where they stand or will some sort of sense prevail?
We don't need another war to get involved in but it's beginning to look that will happen imminently.

David.I notice that the new "Muslim Brotherhood" Govt of Egypt are strongly supporting the Palestinian actions, so that puts paid to the "Arab Spring Moderates" theory, as Egypt, in the past, has played the part of peacemaker in that region.

So with a new quite powerful player in play, I am not surprised that they've sent some gunboats.
 

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
Some missiles being swapped (fired at each other)this evening - especially from Hammas. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near when the Tzahal decide to retaliate which they will surely do. With about 20 times as many, 20 times as accurate, and twenty times more powerful.
Fuck - a - doodle - doo.

.
 
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