Kids!

[RichardH]

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move! ," answered the child innocently.

" You did WHAT ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

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A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,

"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"

She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

 

[Randy V]

Talking Chicken... Nyuk nyuk nyuk.... That's a good one!

 

[Geoff Hurrell]

Some more.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
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A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut,
eating a snack cake The barber says to her,

'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'
She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'
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When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year Old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the Shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
Tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

 

[Benjy]

I like this one.....

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son
playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the
train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want
off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you
sons of Bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train...
cause we're going down the tracks."
The horrified mother went into the living room and told her son, "We
don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to
your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you
come out, you may play with your train...but I want you to use nice
language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and
resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother
heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things,
thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will
ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue...
"For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who
are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in
the kitchen...."