Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
- Start date
Dimi Terleckyj
Lifetime Supporter
Italian cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino started his new job as a bus driver yesterday.
Dimi.
Dimi.
Attachments
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? - On the rocks!
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?
- Leeks
# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?
- Follow the captain.
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course."
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.
That's more than can be said for his ship.
# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.
Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.
# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships?
- Leeks
# What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship?
- Follow the captain.
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he knew where he was going he replied "off course."
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.
That's more than can be said for his ship.
# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises.
Wet, wrecked and ready to go down.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down in Italy since Berlusconi's last hooker.
# What's the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing - The bottoms dropped out of both.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
How True is this ?
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People --
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom
because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.
Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
Cherie Blair's Chauffeur
Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car
comes to a stop.
Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out
and check - you were driving.
'The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.
Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with
a big grin on his face.
'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Cherie.
The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle
of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love
to me. '
'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. ' I knocked on the door, and when
it was answered, I said to them: ' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've
just killed the cow.
Cherie Blair is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car.
Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car
comes to a stop.
Cherie, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out
and check - you were driving.
'The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
"You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Cherie.
Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with
a big grin on his face.
'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Cherie.
The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle
of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love
to me. '
'What on earth did you say?' asks Cherie. ' I knocked on the door, and when
it was answered, I said to them: ' I'm Cherie Blair's chauffeur and I've
just killed the cow.
An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'
'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'
The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big ass and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.
The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'
Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
' Same for me,' says the emu.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'
'Well, love' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?'
The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big ass and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Three Aussies blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:
Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff
Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff
Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
A Gypsy girl was preparing to get married
Her mother pulls her to one side and says
“On your wedding night he’s going to try and put his most prized possession into where you p1ss”
“Oh f*ck off” she replies
“How is he going to get his Ford Transit into the sink?”
Her mother pulls her to one side and says
“On your wedding night he’s going to try and put his most prized possession into where you p1ss”
“Oh f*ck off” she replies
“How is he going to get his Ford Transit into the sink?”
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Sandy
All the News that's Fit to Print
A biker was riding by the zoo, when he saw a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabbed her by the cuff of her jacket and tried to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumped off his bike, ran to the cage and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumped back and let go of the girl. The biker then took her to her terrified parents, who thanked him endlessly.
A reporter saw the whole scene, and addressing the biker, said, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'
'Why, it was nothing,' said the biker, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
'I noticed a patch on your jacket,' said the journalist.
'Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club,' the biker replied.
'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist with the New York Times and tomorrow's papers will have this on the front page.'
The following morning the biker bought the paper to see if it indeed brought out the news of his actions.
On the front page was the headline:
'ISRAELI GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH'
A biker was riding by the zoo, when he saw a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabbed her by the cuff of her jacket and tried to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumped off his bike, ran to the cage and hit the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumped back and let go of the girl. The biker then took her to her terrified parents, who thanked him endlessly.
A reporter saw the whole scene, and addressing the biker, said, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.'
'Why, it was nothing,' said the biker, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.'
'I noticed a patch on your jacket,' said the journalist.
'Yeah, I ride with an Israeli motorcycle club,' the biker replied.
'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist with the New York Times and tomorrow's papers will have this on the front page.'
The following morning the biker bought the paper to see if it indeed brought out the news of his actions.
On the front page was the headline:
'ISRAELI GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH'
The Royal Navy
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS
Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure
from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS
Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st
century and comply with the very latest employment, equality,
health & safety and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with
wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce
the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number
of compensation claims.
Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day
and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in
accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race,
gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in
line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime! All
the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and
nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be
allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager
to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash";
so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced
by sparkling water.
Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include
all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on
request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of
flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist
and is to be replaced by the more informal, "Hello Sailor". All
information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different
languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be
required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this
applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the
White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The
Union Flag had already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned
soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury
Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She
will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.
Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal
immigrants across the channel to ports on England's south
coast.
The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest
in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to
comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules!"
The Royal Navy is proud of its new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships HMS Daring and HMS
Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure
from Brussels, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The next five ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS
Circumspect, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £850 million each, they meet the needs of the 21st
century and comply with the very latest employment, equality,
health & safety and human rights laws.
The new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with
wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce
the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number
of compensation claims.
Stress counsellors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day
and each ship will have its on-board industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in
accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race,
gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in
line with Brussels Health & Safety rules, even in wartime! All
the vessels will come equipped with a maternity ward and
nursery, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be
allowed in the wardroom and messes. The Royal Navy is eager
to shed its traditional reputation for; "Rum, sodomy and the lash";
so out has gone the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced
by sparkling water.
Although sodomy remains, it has now been extended to include
all ratings under 18. The lash will still be available but only on
request. Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of
flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is deemed elitist
and is to be replaced by the more informal, "Hello Sailor". All
information on notices boards will be printed in 37 different
languages and Braille. Crew members will now no longer be
required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this
applies equally to women crew members.
The MoD is working on a new "non-specific" flag because the
White Ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities. The
Union Flag had already been discarded.
The newly re-named HMS Cautious is due to be commissioned
soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury
Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull. She
will gently slide into the water as the Royal Marines Band plays "In the Navy" by the Village People.
Her first deployment will be to escort boat loads of illegal
immigrants across the channel to ports on England's south
coast.
The Prime Minister said, "While these ships reflect the very latest
in modern thinking, they are also capable of being up-graded to
comply with any new legislation coming out of Brussels."
His final words were, "Britannia waives the rules!"
David Lowe
Lifetime Supporter
Haircut
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said,"About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut? The "barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy
Left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever
Come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "your house!"
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said,"About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut? The "barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy
Left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever
Come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "your house!"
Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
Only the British would get this one!...........................
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street .
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was just After Eight.
They got off at Quality Street .
He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.
'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.
Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.
He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.
Soon they were Heart Throbs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.
But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
Ian, how on earth did he do that? That is amazing.
It's well done, but the magic came from a computer.
http://portfolios.sva.edu/gallery/Greatest-Card-Trick-Ever/2118612
Ian Anderson
Lifetime Supporter
Ben
That's terrible I prefered to think it was "Magic"
Ian
That's terrible I prefered to think it was "Magic"
Ian
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
Even when you know it's fake, it's STILL great. AMazing.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Jim,I think the category gives it away. Film and "animation".
Abbott and Costello's take on the economy.
Abbot & Costello Explain Obama's Stimulus Plan For Workers - YouTube
Abbot & Costello Explain Obama's Stimulus Plan For Workers - YouTube
