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Paddy and Mick are walking home after a night out and pass the local bus depot.
"Lets just steal a bus" said Paddy, not wanting to walk home, and offers to keep watch. 20 mins later, Mick returns saying "I Can't find a No7!!!"
"You F-cking idiot", says Paddy, "Just take a No9 and we'll walk from the roundabout!!"
"Lets just steal a bus" said Paddy, not wanting to walk home, and offers to keep watch. 20 mins later, Mick returns saying "I Can't find a No7!!!"
"You F-cking idiot", says Paddy, "Just take a No9 and we'll walk from the roundabout!!"
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Paddy and Mick were out fishing in a hire boat and catching plenty. Paddy says "I hope we can find this spot next time we come out". "Don't worry says Mick I've marked the side of the boat".
"Ya stupid bastard says Paddy, how do you know we will get the same boat next time".
"Ya stupid bastard says Paddy, how do you know we will get the same boat next time".
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are traveling through
Europe in their car.
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a Traffic light. Suddenly,
out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and
hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?" "Turn
the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,"says
Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he
clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the
Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the
water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the
nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.
"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f**k off the car!"
http://www.incredimail.com/index.asp?id=54475
An Irishman is walking past a new pub and see's a sign in the window, 'Pies-50p, Wanks-10p'
He can't believe his luck. He goes inside and see's a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her "Are you the one that gives the wanks?"
"Yes" she replies
"Well wash yer f*ckin hands, I want a pie!!!"
He can't believe his luck. He goes inside and see's a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her "Are you the one that gives the wanks?"
"Yes" she replies
"Well wash yer f*ckin hands, I want a pie!!!"
HAHAHAHA!!!
They may have a problem there, pollard 1.5 meters apart, car 1.8 meters wide = problem
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
Burned doctor in a Glaswegian Hospital muttering through his bandages to the Nurse " They promised me 72 virgins"
She replied "Why the f-ck did you come to Glasgow then....!"
She replied "Why the f-ck did you come to Glasgow then....!"
:lol:
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
Glad to see good old fashioned ‘jock’ humor still has it’s place in this crazy old world!
Keep smiling
"'Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin' Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So take yer worldwide Jihad
An get yersel tae F*** !
Keep smiling
"'Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.
A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin' Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band
The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.
Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So take yer worldwide Jihad
An get yersel tae F*** !
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I bet that will have some of our American friends scratching their heads.
I bet that will have some of our American friends scratching their heads.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Sorry guys the devil made me do it
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
A Little girl goes into a pet shop and asks "excuth me, do you have and widdle wabbits?"
The shop keepers heart melts. He gets down on his knees so he's on her level, and says "do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?"
The little girl blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers.....
"I Don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a f*ck, do you?"
The shop keepers heart melts. He gets down on his knees so he's on her level, and says "do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft, fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?"
The little girl blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and whispers.....
"I Don't wealy fink my pyfon gives a f*ck, do you?"
Pete,
I like that....Rednecks.......but do you think it started in South Carolina, or.....??????.......and is it a result of moonshine, or......??????
I like that....Rednecks.......but do you think it started in South Carolina, or.....??????.......and is it a result of moonshine, or......??????
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Gary, I think Nascar started in about 1948, a bit later than the "moonshine" era. But certainly those big hotted up tanks that ran mountain dew down from the hills were probably the for runners.
Here's a wiki on Junior Johnson, southern redneck, NASCAR legend, and a moonshiner from way back: Junior Johnson - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Oft quoted: "Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail."
Oft quoted: "Moonshiners put more time, energy, thought, and love into their cars than any racer ever will. Lose on the track, and you go home. Lose with a load of whiskey, and you go to jail."
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