Some time this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus
payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the
Q and A format:
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com

ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1

lace w:st="on">China</st1

lace></st1:country-region> ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1
lace w:st="on">US</st1
lace></st1:country-region> economy by spending
your stimulus check wisely:
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com

ffice

ffice" /><o

></o

>
• If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1
lace w:st="on">China</st1
lace></st1:country-region> .
• If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
• If you purchase a computer, it will go to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1
lace w:st="on">India</st1
lace></st1:country-region> .
• If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1
lace w:st="on">Mexico</st1
lace></st1:country-region> ,
<st1:country-region w:st="on">Honduras</st1:country-region> and <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1

lace w:st="on">Guatemala</st1

lace></st1:country-region> .
• If you buy a car, it will go to <st1:country-region w:st="on">Japan</st1:country-region> or <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1

lace w:st="on">Korea</st1

lace></st1:country-region>.
• If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1

lace w:st="on">Taiwan</st1

lace></st1:country-region> .
• If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1
lace w:st="on">America</st1
lace></st1:country-region> by:
1 spending it at yard sales, or
2 going to ball games, or
3 spending it on prostitutes, or
4 beer or
5 tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1

lace w:st="on">US</st1

lace></st1:country-region> .)
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day