Hot Rod Race 2019 (The GTM and the SLC)

Wrote this a couple years ago and wanted to get it recorded, but
haven't come to terms yet with the artist I want. Thought it might give
you guys a chuckle.

Hot Rod Race 2019 (The GTM and the SLC)
Music by Charlie Ryan & W.S. Stevenson 1960
Lyrics by John Ross 2019, with a hat tip to Johnny Bond

Gather 'round you cats and you will hear
about a Vegas race at the Stratosphere.
Mike had a turbo GTM, you see,
and I drove my injected SLC.

Now don't tune me out, I know what you're thinkin',
and I ain't gonna bug you with no Hot Rod Lincoln.
No, that was a long time ago,
by my granddad, back in nineteen six-oh.

But now that it's come two thousand nineteen,
Power's quintupled, if you know what I mean,
So if you're all ready, I'll start at the top,
Once I get goin', I don't want to stop.

Mike's mill had twin turbos coming out of its ass
Mine just had a Harrop to meter the gas
A would-be buyer had his passenger seat
My gal sat beside me to turn up the heat.

When the green flag dropped, his turbos was dinin',
and the gears in that Mendeola was whinin',
The moan from my Thomson motor got my gal hot
and we was off like two jets from a carrier shot.


On up ahead, ol' Mike was a-whizzin',
Doing okay in that rocket of his'n,
His mill had five hundred horses on mine,
but my Harrop-fed motor was runnin' just fine.

What I saw up ahead put a smile on my face
A Ferrari and a Lambo was a-havin' a race
Them pizza-pan drivers were gonna look sour
When they got a dose of American power.

Mike took the left shoulder, and I took the right
and that pair of Guidos didn't give us no fight
When Mike run up on the left rumble strip
Chunks of Bondo flew off of the GTM's hips.

Now this SLC is a going little thing,
I got a street tail, but some have the wing,
Tracks straight as a laser, that's what I'm swearin',
Something to do with some guy from McLaren.


The GTM was twitchy, not tracking so fine
Maybe he'd replay Le Mans '99
His car was a-jumpin' all over the place
I hung back at 170, not really a race.

My gal was ribbin' me for hangin' behind,
so I told her I'd make this ol' turtle unwind.
Gave 'er the gun, heard the LS purr
and revved her up to six thousand per.

With a sixty-knot closure, I was all through a-playin',
Her high beams were on, if you know what I'm sayin'...
Rocketed past, just a-screamin' like thunder,
I thought on the left, but she swears we went under!

We stopped at a strip club (a roadside attraction)
So my honey could get a little girl-on-girl action
When them two limped in, we was havin' a ball
Mike's prospect asked me: "You got a number where I can reach Fran Hall?"

--John Ross July 2019