Would YOU Fly These People?
- Thread starter Keith1
- Start date
Pink Pig? I married one of those.. :shocked:
Holy crapola Jack - we might be related.. :laugh:
But, for a while we were surely in Pig Heaven, yes? :thumbsup:
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
A quick story about the Kenyan Airways predesessor East African Airways. They were operating leased aeroplanes and it was very important to the nationals to see Kenyan nationals as the flight deck crew. However the leasing company was adamant that their aeroplanes had to be flown with British Licence holders and before the passengers emplaned, the leasing company flight deck crew were on board and ready to go. Once the pax were on, the show began and the Kenyan pilots walked through the cabin from the rear doors to the flight deck and then locked the door. The Europeans took over from there until after landing when the reverse happened. The Kenyans were happy, and European passengers were happy as well to fly with East African.
In BA, we had a blacklist (no pun intended ) of airlines that we would never ever deadhead with. Most African airlines except SAA were on that list. I believe that all Chinese carriers were similarly blacked.
In BA, we had a blacklist (no pun intended ) of airlines that we would never ever deadhead with. Most African airlines except SAA were on that list. I believe that all Chinese carriers were similarly blacked.
We used to have such a list as well. The EU do the job for us now. Although when travelling Air India we have to be in first, as there are no life jackets in any other class, or so I have been told.
Brian Hamilton
I'm on the verge of touching myself inappropriatel
That's awesome, I'd absolutely fly in that. If an airline has a sense of humor, then the flight will be pleasant. That's why I ONLY fly Southwest, unless I'm going somewhere they don't fly.
Which is most of the Northeast...
Get it?
Which is most of the Northeast...
Get it?
I went to China in 1975 as part of a "cultural exchange" with a group of about sixty.
We occasionally flew in Chinese aircraft. During those flights the hostess' handed around cigarettes to all of us - ages down to about 8... (I turned 13 on the trip). Never fear, the adults with us quickly confiscated the ones they knew about.
Tim.
We occasionally flew in Chinese aircraft. During those flights the hostess' handed around cigarettes to all of us - ages down to about 8... (I turned 13 on the trip). Never fear, the adults with us quickly confiscated the ones they knew about.
Tim.
When a flight crewmember is flying someplace (like back to base) in a non-operational mode, i.e. a captain going home as a pasenger.....a non revenue situation. Most airlines are set up carry each others crews on deadheads.
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
When your company has given you a schedule but it requires flying as a passenger between two airports. ie:
If I was rostered to operate London to Nairobi on the first day, and Jo'burg back to London on the fifth day, I would have to deadhead Nairobi to Jo'burg on day two, rest day three and four and operate Jo'burg to London on the fifth day arriving on the sixth day and not available again until the ninth day. That would be a really hard weeks work in BA as each of those sectors is above the union agreed limit for two pilots so there was extra payment as inducement to allow you to operate a long range sector, and an extra pilot meaning with three people you could share the duties and then you could get some sleep in the bunk at the back of the flight deck. The down side was in nine days you might not get to actually fly the aeroplane (take off and land) so it could get a bit boring unless you were a cash counter. I often went for several months relying on the simulator to give me recency (ie three take and landings each month).
If I was rostered to operate London to Nairobi on the first day, and Jo'burg back to London on the fifth day, I would have to deadhead Nairobi to Jo'burg on day two, rest day three and four and operate Jo'burg to London on the fifth day arriving on the sixth day and not available again until the ninth day. That would be a really hard weeks work in BA as each of those sectors is above the union agreed limit for two pilots so there was extra payment as inducement to allow you to operate a long range sector, and an extra pilot meaning with three people you could share the duties and then you could get some sleep in the bunk at the back of the flight deck. The down side was in nine days you might not get to actually fly the aeroplane (take off and land) so it could get a bit boring unless you were a cash counter. I often went for several months relying on the simulator to give me recency (ie three take and landings each month).
Thanks guys, I am not as slow as I thought I was !:idea:
I'm with Brian on this one :thumbsup: ...."pride goeth before a fall", and if a business is so proud of itself that it cannot offer a bit of humor, they may well be due for a fall. The worst fall of all is when an airplane falls out of the sky.
Cheers from Doug
Some things recently heard on Kalula Airline flights:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where
you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a
flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening
the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one
small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is
pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The
flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,
the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light
'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Cheers from Doug!!
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where
you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot
said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be
turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out
of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a
flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening
the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as
hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth .
To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and
pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask
before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one
small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is
pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The
flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the
insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,
the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light
'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Cheers from Doug!!
