Jokes anyone? -

Larry L. · Dec 30, 2016

jac mac · Dec 30, 2016

Having some problems reading your posts from 4277>> Larry, just getting a small icon of photo frame with turned up page corner..

Larry L. · Dec 30, 2016

jac mac said:
Having some problems reading your posts from 4277>> Larry, just getting a small icon of photo frame with turned up page corner..

You're evidently experiencing what I experience when folks across the pond post similar items (photos with 'one liner' captions).

Sorry about that, but, I haven't a CLUE how to fix/correct it... :sad:

Charlie Farley · Jan 1, 2017

Damn, I wanted to read them.

Nick Brough · Jan 1, 2017

Bit too close for comfort.

Larry L. · Jan 1, 2017

Nick Brough said:
Bit too close for comfort.

LOL! Something very similar occurred between the Mrs. and me due to the fact that, for security reasons, I stored my motorcycle in a closet off of the living room in our 'townhouse' while I was deployed to 'Nam! :laugh:

It's funny looking back on it now......................but, back then.............

Nick Brough · Jan 1, 2017

Larry L. said:
LOL! Something very similar occurred between the Mrs. and me due to the fact that, for security reasons, I stored my motorcycle in a closet off of the living room in our 'townhouse' while I was deployed to 'Nam! :laugh:

It's funny looking back on it now......................but, back then.............

My getting the neighbour to help me carry my new cylinder heads into the spare bedroom for safety a few years ago, was mentioned again at friends on new years eve. She was not so much angry about the action, more that the neighbour would have seen the house in a mess as I had not tidied up first

jac mac · Jan 1, 2017

My EX was not too happy when I used her vacuum cleaner to suck water out of some DCOE Webers that suffer from some H2O ingestion....well she was not worried at first, but when the afterburner kicked in as the avgas fumes reached the electrical sparky bits...........

Charlie Farley · Jan 2, 2017

Jac,

The ' Ex ' bit was to the point.
Better to keep them at arms length,
me thinks.

Larry L. · Jan 6, 2017

2017 Travel Plans

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends, family and work. I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenaline flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get! I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country that was in. It's an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

Larry L. · Jan 6, 2017

A SHORT SCOTTISH LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,...........

'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!.................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. ..............'Get your own damn blanket.'

After a moment of silence...he farted.

The End

Larry L. · Jan 6, 2017

Well, let's see if this one is viewable:

Yes? No?

Larry L. · Jan 6, 2017

...or this one:

Yes? No?

jac mac · Jan 6, 2017

In line with your travel plans you went to In Visible ...twice!

Larry L. · Jan 6, 2017

jac mac said:
In line with your travel plans you went to In Visible ...twice!

Crap. 'Wish I knew how to fix that... :veryangry:

BenL · Jan 9, 2017

Larry L. said:
Crap. 'Wish I knew how to fix that... :veryangry:

Try downloading the image to your computer and then upload to the site?

If you're using the Chrome browser, try right-clicking on the image and select "open image in new tab". If that works, try copying the url of image in the new browser tab. (might work with other browsers)

delaneyp · Jan 11, 2017

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Dan wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.
Dan is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Dan had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, was a single red rose!!

Dan sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean; so is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating.

Dan asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed....

"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table.... £239.99
Hot Breakfast....... £4.20
Two Aspirins ........£0.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time.... PRICELESS

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Nick Brough · Jan 11, 2017

The UK has a severe weather warning for the next few days. with this in mind the AA have issued the following advice.

Anyone travelling in icy or snowy conditions in the next few days, should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing, (including scarf, hat, gloves) 24 hr supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, spare battery, petrol can, 1st aid kit and jump leads..........

I felt a right numpty on the bus.

Larry L. · Jan 13, 2017

A teacher calls her first grade class from recess. She goes up to little Sally and asked, "Sally, what did you do at recess?" "I played in the sand box." "Good. Now, if you can spell the word 'sand' on the black board, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." So she spells the word right and gets a cookie. Then comes in little Billy. "Billy, what did you do at recess?" "I played in the sand box with Sally." "Good. Now, if you can spell the word 'box' on the black board, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." So he spells it right and gets a cookie. Then comes in little Mohammed from recess. "Mohammed, what did you do at recess?" "Billy and Sally threw rocks at me!" "Hmm, that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination', I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Larry L. · Jan 13, 2017

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."
God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"
He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen."
God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama, and offers him a seat to his left.
Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"
Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."
God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.
Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"
Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

Jokes anyone? -

Larry L.

Jac Mac

Larry L.

Charlie Farley

Nick

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