Jokes anyone? -

[David Morton]

Not really a joke but :

Hi Keith,
As you know I lived in Jersey for four years and part of my job was to transport the potato pickers from Dinard and St. Brieuc to Jersey where they stayed on a seasonal basis and then back again when the season ended. Well, I lived in a farmhouse with three hosties and one of them was dating and English farmhand who used to bring home Jersey Royals about the size of a large pea (about 1/4 of a pale full) and this seemed to happen right up until January /February. He referred to them as "thinnings" I think quite a few were grown in heated glass houses.
From February(ish) it stopped as they were all part of the main crop. The "thinnings" as he called them were incredibly delicious covered in Danish salted butter and I often blame them for me becoming such a fat bastard. For the rest of the veggies you mention,
once I'd changed jobs to the 747 we were always carrying tons and tons into London and the out stations used to cram our holds right up to max take off weight with any veggies they had. I'm sure some of them could not have paid their way as they were never in short supply in the supermarkets and advertising their country of origin and time of picking.

 

[Nick]

But if you only consumed seasonal British salads & vegetables then you would not only greatly assist our Euro battered agricultural (sorry, political) while at the same time reducing your massive carbon footprint by NOT flying iceberg lettuce from Spain & strawberries from Tel Aviv and broccoli from wherever.

There's lots to choose from in Feb:

Apples, Beetroot, Brussels Sprouts, Cabbage, Carrots, Celeriac, Chicory, Jerusalem Artichokes (!), Kale, Leeks, Mushrooms, Onions, Parsnips, Pears, Purple Sprouting Broccoli, Spring Greens, Spring Onions, Squash, Swedes.

In March you can have: Artichoke, Beetroot, Cabbage, Carrots, Chicory, Cucumber, Leeks, Parsnip, Purple Sprouting Broccoli, Radishes, Rhubarb, Sorrel, Spring Greens, Spring Onions, Watercress.

If you want the regular green broccoli - wait until June, but don't forget the delectable Jersey Royals in May.... If you get them any other time, they ain't the real thing..

That is all...

Keith,

You are spreading fake news and obsessing about iceburg lettuce.

I get my iceburg lettuce from here, only have flat lettuce in winter honest just up the road.

Products | www.gorehall.co.uk

 

[Keith]

Not really a joke but :

The "thinnings" as he called them were incredibly delicious covered in Danish salted butter and I often blame them for me becoming such a fat bastard.

Huh? you're fading away mate! You need more! :thumbsup:

 

[David Morton]

65 kg yesterday so megga breakfast with croissants. I've become a disliker of Complan especially as I've lost my sense of taste and smell. Lunch will be Muligatawny soup. Might just make 67kg this afternoon.
Still no jokes .....at least I cannot think of one. Not a lot amuses me at the moment.

 

[Keith]

Well I'll fuck a duck! Mulligatawny here too :thumbsup:

Must be a fat bastard thing, right?

That's quite funny isn't it? :shrug:

 

[Ian Anderson]

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Northern Arizona were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?"
Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."

I didn't see it coming either

 

[Keith]

Thanks for bringing the topic back on side Nanook...

Didn't see what coming? The snow plough? Don't get it mate :shrug:

 

[Charlie Farley]

Here in the UK, ploughs are rapidly becoming museum pieces.

 

[Keith]

Here in the UK, ploughs are rapidly becoming museum pieces.

They're turning 'em into guns in the US...:evil:

 

[Larry L.]

They're turning 'em into guns in the US...:evil:

...'just in case they might again one day be needed to defend others who frown on the practice. :smartass:

 

[Keith]

Thanks for bringing the jokes back on topic Larry :thumbsup:

 

[Jack]

Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 am
and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

 

[Larry L.]

Thanks for bringing the jokes back on topic Larry :thumbsup:

Uhhhhhhh huh...

Sarcasm noted. :smartass:

'Hope my point was as well...

 

[Nick]

Seems about right to me

 

[Larry L.]

 

[Keith]

J
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Oooooer Larry, is this a secret code mate? :uneasy:

 

[Larry L.]

???????!!! It shows up crystal clear here in the 'States...

I have no idea what the problem may be. Many times vids/photos originating from across the pond have transmission reception 'issues' on our end as well.

Anyway, it's a rendering of Jesus sitting with a group of people and one of them is asking Him, "But, Jesus, what would you do about immigration?"...and Jesus answers, "Even heaven has a wall, a gate and there's extreme vetting to get in."

 

[Keith]

Very good Larry & quite apt. Your post is actually blank but a right click reveals the code above. I will convey to site admin and see what they make of it.. Mystery..:huh:

 

[Nick]

???????!!! It shows up crystal clear here in the 'States...

I have no idea what the problem may be. Many times vids/photos originating from across the pond have transmission reception 'issues' on our end as well.

Anyway, it's a rendering of Jesus sitting with a group of people and one of them is asking Him, "But, Jesus, what would you do about immigration?"...and Jesus answers, "Even heaven has a wall, a gate and there's extreme vetting to get in."

I would have thought immigrants / refugees with a couple of mites stand a very good chance of getting into heaven after all Jesus was a refugee

 

[Nick]

Out of the mouths of babes

Kids’ love notes to their mums

The Mother’s Day card made for me by my five-year-old son said: ‘I love my mummy because she has lots of make-up and I can wear it.’” Lisa

“Last year my daughter announced: ‘I made you a Mother’s Day cake because I love you - but then I ate it.’” Sarah

“Mum, you have thorns on your legs.” Sonja

“My daughter’s description of me didn’t make it onto the school wall of fame. I can see why. It read: ‘My mummy sings in the bathroom, watches EastEnders, cooks on Tuesdays and sells drugs.’ For the record, I am a medical sales rep.” Carrie

“When my daughter was at nursery, the children had to draw their mums. Her best mate did her mum doing yoga; another mother was walking the dog. I was a giant wine glass grasped by a tiny version of me, splayed on the sofa.” Carol

“My husband’s parents ran a pub when he was a kid. He wrote in his news book: ‘My mum drops me off at school and goes straight to the pub. She stays there till it’s time to pick me up at home time!’” Rachel

“My son did a picture of me looking like a giant centipede with a smiley face. When I asked why so many legs he told me gravely, ‘That’s the hairs on your bottom.’” Tammy

“One of my favourite notes from my daughter said: ‘I love you, Mum, but you do shout a lot.’ There was a picture of her holding her ears.” Mary

“One of my all time favourites was my son saying: ‘I wish your boobies were on your back so I could hug you closer.’” Jai

“In a Mother’s Day assembly, the children took turns reading out why they loved their mums to much oohing and aahing. After mothers had been praised for baking cakes, taking their kids swimming, smelling nice... my daughter read out: ‘I love my mum because she has different coloured hair - it’s black on the top and yellow at the bottom - and she always wears a red cardigan.’ And yes, as all eyes swivelled to me I was wearing the red cardigan and I did need my highlights doing. “ Jo

“My son did a drawing for me at nursery for Mother’s Day. His carer had carefully written in his description: ‘Mummy on a skateboard with a monster inside her head.’” Jenny

“I love my mum becas she has wobly arms and gives me hugs.” Paula

“My mum is good at dancing but bad at cooking. Yuk. Yuk.” Marianne

“My daughter had to complete this sentence in her school Mother’s Day card: “My mum... sits at home and waits for Daddy.” I was working full-time!” Amanda