Do you Remember the Awful Jokes?

Keith

Moderator
We used to feature reams and reams of the most unfunny jokes & puns ever displayed on the Internet in the 'Good Old Days' of GT40's when we were all damp behind the ears. They were so unfunny, they made you laugh (or groan).

In loving memory of a vanished tradition, take these! One of them surely will raise a titter? I also happen to know Ian A will laugh at every single one of them.. haha..

Puns for Educated Minds

1.The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
 
I said to the baker "how come all your slices of cake are £3 but that one is £3.50". He said "that's because it's Maderia cake"
 

Doug S.

The protoplasm may be 70, but the spirit is 32!
Lifetime Supporter
Fantastic, Keith!

Here's one for you...I have noticed that as I near 70 years of age people comment that my memory has never been good. That's strange, though...I don't remember having memory issues in the past.
 

Neil

Supporter
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."

You might have trouble reaching Easter Island.....
 
A large city in Yorkshire has disappeared, Police are looking for leeds.

“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”
 

Keith

Moderator
Well done guys! You have really cheered me up. Now this is a thread that doesn't need moderation and yet brings good vibes into your life. Please keep them coming...from both sides of the Atlantic although I'm thinking this is pretty much a British pastime. We'll see... Bring it on..
 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
“Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.” Tom Parry (2015)

“I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting.” Paddy Lennox (2009)
 
“I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up!'”
 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
If Santa knows when you're sleeping...knows when you're awake...knows when you've been bad or good...why does he need to ask a child's name before he asks him/her what he/she wants for Christmas?

...and along that same line: If "the professor" on Gilligan's Island (a U.S. T.V. comedy show about a group of 'shipwrecked' people) can make a radio out of a couple sea shells, a length of tree vines, and a tin can or two - WHY couldn't he figure out how to patch their stupid boat?
 
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Steve

Supporter
If Santa knows when you're sleeping...knows when you're awake...knows when you've been bad or good...why does he need to ask a child's name before he asks him/her what he/she wants for Christmas?

...and along that same line: If "the professor" on Gilligan's Island (a U.S. T.V. comedy show about a group of 'shipwrecked' people) can make a radio out of a couple sea shells, a length of tree vines, and a tin can or two - WHY couldn't he figure out how to patch their stupid boat?

Because he was stuck on a deserted island with two hot babes, a married couple, a nitwit, and a fat guy. He'll never get odds that good for the rest of his life.
 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
Because he was stuck on a deserted island with two hot babes, a married couple, a nitwit, and a fat guy. He'll never get odds that good for the rest of his life.
LOLOLOLOL! I never looked at it that way! Yeeeeeeeew have a good point!

Th' ole boy was obviously far smarter than I!
 

Rick Muck- Mark IV

GT40s Sponsor
Supporter
Used to torture my sons with this one:
Little Luis was playing in an abandoned refrigerator and became trapped inside. There was enough ventilation that he did not asphyxiate, however to stay alive he was forced to eat his own foot. Once rescued the doctors declared that "Although Luis will grow several more inches, he will never grow another foot"
 
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