Morton has Been Moderated

K

Keith

Moderator
I warned him, but he wouldn't listen. Continuing with his ridiculously transparent cricketing conspiracy theories, I have binned Morton for one week starting today.

Actually, that's not entirely accurate.

Opening a bottle of Barolo 2 days ago, he appears to have damaged his scaphoid.

The pain was so intense that the NHS decided that their only course of action was to send him (on their tab of course) to Rio where he is to take the infamous Caipirinha Cocktail medicine incessantly until he feels no more pain.

So, that's where he is. Sitting on the Copacabana taking his medicine like a man.

Get well soon David....

 
K

Keith

Moderator
As of right now he is hiding in plane sight in the First Class Departure Lounge @ Heathrow en route to Rio de Janeiro.

I kid you not....
 
K

Keith

Moderator
Update. Apparently his money is ring fenced, as, apart from a wife he has three daughters. Wise.

Anyway, I am advised that whilst David is airside he is also still on the ramp as there are delays. He has a complete row 1 in Upper Premium Business First Class to himself and is already on his second bottle of complimentary champagne - with 11/12 hours to go. He reports that the FA's are beautiful and the girls aren't bad either.

He further reports that he is possibly in danger of being offloaded if there are more delays with champagne as he is reliving his time as Senior BA Pilot and ordering everyone around including the Captain who he keeps asking to bring him nibbles.

That is all.
 
L

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
Keith1 said:
Anyway, I am advised that whilst David is airside he is also still on the ramp as there are delays.
Click to expand...

Aaaaaaaaaah, "delays". I remember two particular flights I took wherein the word "delay" would have been an understatement of epic proportions. Perhaps I shall relate same one day. But both tales are probably best summed up by the words of one of the flight's captains when we were finally 'wheels up': "Welcome aboard ('Last Chance Airlines') flight number 219...same day service to Phoenix". (It was supposed to be 2.5 hr flight. :veryangry:)
 
K

Keith

Moderator
Mark Pickford said:
If ever a fly on the wall was needed, it is now!

Come on Dave, get the camera out!
Click to expand...

Well, he would except he needs someone like me to set it up, hold it for him and then press the tit. He was a Left Seater if you follow me....they know nothing, nothing at all.
 
D

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
Just wonderful. Massive waves this morning. Loads of caiperinhas last night and my head is still working OK. Have no fear. There is a big party being planned here for this evening.
 
D

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
Exhausted and back home. A brilliant couple of days. So many caiperinhas I lost count.
Some brilliant Argentinian red wines as well.
Here is a question. If the champagne in first class is part of the all up take off weight (APS weight) and it gets drunk en route, does it figure in the landing weight?
I think not. It was a B777 and went to FL 330 for 4 hours then FL390 for 6 hours.
Here is why I think not. I left a glass of water beside my seat and when I stopped drinking champagne and had a kip the water had evaporated by about 40%. I spent a lot of time thinking as well so I must have been expending energy.
 
M

Jack

That accounts for the loss of brain cells on the flight as well. Just think of the weight savings in first class alone...
 
J

Jim Rosenthal

Supporter
Well done, Jack. Splendid. And when they evaporate they leave no trace. As to all the other, unless the cabin air is vented to the outside, which I don't think it is, the aircraft weighs the same on landing as it does on takeoff- minus fuel, of course. As to all the rest, it's just been relocated to the waste tanks. Inc all that champagne you ingested, General Morton. Sir.
 
Veek

Pat

Supporter
Just one question, is it true about the banjo lessons?

After all, nothing arouses female passions like Barolo and banjo...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

D
Pilot jokes
Replies
3
Views
2K
blueovalz
blueovalz
Back
Top