Gratuitously stolen from another forum...
SMART ARSED ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would
you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the
front row.
What are my choices?" the man asked.
Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 5
A flight attendant
was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of
Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her
family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day," the bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as
fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 2
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up
that read " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was
directly ahead and he got stuck under it..
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and
said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of petrol!"
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness,or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and
asked,
"What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When
silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand ".
SMART ARSED ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would
you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the
front row.
What are my choices?" the man asked.
Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 5
A flight attendant
was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of
Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her
family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all
day," the bobby said. The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as
fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he
sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 2
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up
that read " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was
directly ahead and he got stuck under it..
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and
said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of petrol!"
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being
here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious
personal injury, illness,or a death in your immediate family, but
that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and
asked,
"What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When
silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,
shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to
write the exam with your other hand ".
