THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN DOWNSHIFTED AND LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS,A christmas story
"OUR FIRST WINTER "
DEC 20th It's starting to snow. The first of the season and
the first we've seen for years the wife and I took out our hot toddies and
sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down
clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and
peaceful.
DEC 24th We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white
glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic
sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I
shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our
driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and
accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.
The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The
children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a
nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so
I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5" last night and the
temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our
trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our
driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his
trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st Warmed up enough during the day to create some
slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought
snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100
to a physio but nothing was broken.
JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a
4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage
to the right wing, £200. Had another 8" of white shite last night.
Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush - that b*****d
snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th More f*****g snow. Not a tree or bush on our
property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried
to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which
tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out
but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and
eyelashes. Car hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and was written
off.
JAN 13th F*****g b*****d white shite just keeps on coming
down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box.
The little twa* next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back -
I'll shove that carrot so far up the little g*t's arse it'll take a good
surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the
snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth.
I think the b*****d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael f*****g
Schumacher and buries the f*****g driveway again.
JAN 17th 16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g
ice and f*****g sleet, and God knows what other white shite fell last
night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver
With an ice-pick. Can' t move my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for
5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast
SCREW THIS, WE'RE MOVING BACK TO LONDON!!!
"OUR FIRST WINTER "
DEC 20th It's starting to snow. The first of the season and
the first we've seen for years the wife and I took out our hot toddies and
sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down
clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and
peaceful.
DEC 24th We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white
glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic
sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I
shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our
driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and
accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.
The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The
children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a
nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so
I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
DEC 26th It snowed an additional 5" last night and the
temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our
trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our
driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his
trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.
JAN 1st Warmed up enough during the day to create some
slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought
snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on my arse in the driveway. £100
to a physio but nothing was broken.
JAN 5th Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a
4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage
to the right wing, £200. Had another 8" of white shite last night.
Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush - that b*****d
snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th More f*****g snow. Not a tree or bush on our
property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried
to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which
tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out
but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and
eyelashes. Car hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and was written
off.
JAN 13th F*****g b*****d white shite just keeps on coming
down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box.
The little twa* next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back -
I'll shove that carrot so far up the little g*t's arse it'll take a good
surgeon 6 hours to find it. If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the
snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth.
I think the b*****d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael f*****g
Schumacher and buries the f*****g driveway again.
JAN 17th 16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g
ice and f*****g sleet, and God knows what other white shite fell last
night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver
With an ice-pick. Can' t move my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for
5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast
SCREW THIS, WE'RE MOVING BACK TO LONDON!!!
