Apologies to our French Friends. An Americans Guide to France..

Keith

Moderator
This must be quite old. It was written 9 million people ago and It's all in good fun.

Je Suis Col. Mustard! :stunned:

THE AMERICAN'S GUIDE TO FRANCE:
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent Of Europe.
It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks.
It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping.
France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and Euro Disney.
Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.
Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food.
One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at.
THE PEOPLE
France has a population of 57 (NOW 66) million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small children).
All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously over sexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in line.
French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and disciplined; those are their good points.
Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behavior.
Many French are communists.
Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet.
American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier recognition.
SAFETY
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany.
Traditionally, the French surrender immediately.
A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions, and for them to offload all their illegal immigrants.
HISTORY
Charlemagne discovered France in the Dark Ages.
Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport.
CULTURE
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why.
All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything.
CUISINE
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back.
Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word.
In general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers.
ECONOMY
France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all.
If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
PUBLIC HOLIDAYS
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world.
Among its 361 national holidays are:

  • 197 Saints' days,
  • 37 National Liberation Days,
  • 16 Declaration of Republic Days,
  • 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle-in-triumph-as-if-he-won- the-war-single-handed Days,
  • 18 Napoleon-sent-into-Exile-Days,
  • 17 Napoleon-Called-Back-from-Exile-Days
  • 2 A bas Les Anglais Days

 

Larry L.

Lifetime Supporter
I've had no use whatsoever for the French g-o-v-e-r-n-m-e-n-t ever since those gutless, spineless, arrogant, pompous jackasses wouldn't allow U.S. jet fighters to cross French air space en route to saying "Hello" to 'Daffy Kadaffy' 'back in the day'. That refusal "increased the distance of the flight route from Great Britain to Tripoli by about 1300 nautical miles each way, added 6-7 hours of flight time for the pilots and crews, and forced a tremendous amount of additional refueling support from tanker aircraft." (Gary P. Jackson)

'Hell with 'em. :evil::evil::evil:
 
Ah, but their country is beautiful. Esp when you get out of Paris, which is rather grubby in spots.

And no matter how small the village you stop in, wherever it is, you will be able to get a fine lunch or dinner. And no matter how large the city, you are unlikely to hear decent live music anywhere. :) Except for gypsy jazz, at which they excel.
 

Keith

Moderator
I've had no use whatsoever for the French g-o-v-e-r-n-m-e-n-t ever since those gutless, spineless, arrogant, pompous jackasses wouldn't allow U.S. jet fighters to cross French air space en route to saying "Hello" to 'Daffy Kadaffy' 'back in the day'. That refusal "increased the distance of the flight route from Great Britain to Tripoli by about 1300 nautical miles each way, added 6-7 hours of flight time for the pilots and crews, and forced a tremendous amount of additional refueling support from tanker aircraft." (Gary P. Jackson)

'Hell with 'em. :evil::evil::evil:
Ah, the good old days. The gas guzzling F111's posting a bomb through Gaddafi's bedroom window (and missing)... :)
 

marc

Lifetime Supporter
They do have this place called the "Louvre", where I saw seemingly thousands of ways to hold the baby Jesus in paintings.
 

Pete McCluskey.

Lifetime Supporter
The French are extremely arrogant and obnoxious, until they discover that you are not English. Then they turn into lovely people.
 

Keith

Moderator
The French are extremely arrogant and obnoxious, until they discover that you are not English. Then they turn into lovely people.
Not only the French. The same holds perfectly true for every nation on God's Earth Pete....

Sadly...
 

marc

Lifetime Supporter
Spotted dick, Yorkshire pudding, sweetbreads, not allowed to drive inside London without special permit, picking on the Irish, VAT,

Okay I'm just trying out a little antagonistic jest.
 
Very accurate description.....
That's the reason why i'm proud to be french !!! :laugh:

Superman, Spiderman, Batman are bullshit !!!
the real superheros is SUPERDUPOND !!!

 

David Morton

Lifetime Supporter
We are an island. The French tried by land and later sea but were beaten back.
Only the Romanians and Poles have invaded and stayed on.
 
"We are an island. The French tried by land..."

Hang it all, that's not right...... let me think a moment here........

Still thinking..........:)
 
I like the art from the 1800's to the current as is hanging in the Musée d’Orsay. I can say that the food and wine I've enjoyed in France is great. Also, my wife likes Paris and frequently will make me take 'a death march' through the streets of Paris. However I've spent more time in Germany and find myself wanting once again to take some friends and fly non-stop to Munich to spend days drinking beer. All the people were friendly and shared common interest. I appreciate their unique histories.
 

Pete McCluskey.

Lifetime Supporter
What's wrong with the English?

Other than that they drive on the wrong side of the road, they seem perfectly okay to me.
That's because you are American and defeated the British. The French on the other hand tried to defeat the British for many years and could not. They apparently still harbour a little resentment because of this. And the fact that the
British cannot cook.
 
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