Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
- Start date
I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning, and the young lady behind me honked at me very upset, because I was taking too long to pay.
Wow. “Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So I paid for her food. As I moved up, she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me, because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipt's and took her food too. I paid for it, it was mine!
Now she has to wait even longer.
She’s gonna learn today, "you just don't mess with us old people."
Wow. “Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So I paid for her food. As I moved up, she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me, because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed.
When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipt's and took her food too. I paid for it, it was mine!
Now she has to wait even longer.
She’s gonna learn today, "you just don't mess with us old people."
A friend sent this. The problem is it is starting to make sense.
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - “In Style” are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it.”
#6 - “On time” is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?
#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will.
And one more:
“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house
Bill Kearley
Supporter
I came in from the shop today and found Jane, my wife, mad as hell. I asked what was wrong, she was all pissed of cause she has been working on a picture puzzle of a turkey with thousands of pieces for over a week and asked me to help her get it started. I looked at her and said lets have a cup of tea and talk. I ASKED HER TO PLEASE PUT THE CORN FLAKES BACK IN THE BOX AND PUT IT AWAY.
They're ALL TRUE...especially the last one...
To be honest, that’s not really a joke, more a statement 5 year old would make!
Kinda like "Make my day" and "Get off my lawn"? ;-)
Well Simon, I thought it was a presidential tweet that had got lost, was a bit worried it was about to be followed up with advice on how to ingest it.
Bill Kearley
Supporter
Did you hear the news, Spam is about to start a second run of canned meat.
Bill Kearley
Supporter
Are we still using tranny fluid ? Or is it gender neutral shift juice now ?
