Two modest proposals for an equitable solution in Iraq:
1) As we've now managed to turn Iraq into a welfare state, without anything resembling a working infrastructure (although Halliburton and others were paid billions for a "reconstruction" that isn’t), and it's totally dependent on the billions we're still pumping into it, let’s just go ahead and annex it and make it the 51st state. Dubya still has one year left in office, so he still has plenty of time to rig this, probably as easily as his “election” was.
Iraq becoming the 51st state would make as much or more sense as when Alaska became the 49th state, and for several of the same reasons (Oil, oil and oil; and location, location, location). Never mind that the indigenous population initially might be a bit unhappy about becoming Americans, just as the native Alaskans were, they (the Iraqi's) could eventually be persuaded this is in their best interests. And what better way to boost the US's oil reserves and solve our energy crisis? Just imagine what it will do for the US economy and the value of the dollar? Shoot, we could become an oil exporter again, and finally tell the Saudis to get stuffed…..
2) Then Dubya would be appointed as Iraq’s first governor-in-residence in return for a job well done over the last eight years in the White House...... Now this might take a bit of friendly arm twisting, but eventually he would be persuaded to see the light. After all, this would finally give him the opportunity to experience a foreign culture first hand (something he sorely lacked prior to being appointed president). And it would also give the former Leader of the Free World an unprecedented opportunity to prove that Texas “democracy” does work in the middle east (of course it works - they're our 51st state now!) Besides that, the Republican party probably wouldn't mind loosing him to the Iraqis, as it were. After all, they really don't want a loose cannon after retirement, spouting vacuous gibberish without benefit of a press secretary to stuff a sock in it. Bad for the party’s image, after all. Who knows, after awhile he might even decide to swap his Levi’s and Tony Lama’s for a galabeya and sandals, and start spouting “Salaam Alakum y’all”. With his newfound attire, he’d also finally learn the hidden meaning behind “Hang Loose”, “Let it all Hang Out”, “Be Cool”, and my personal favorite “Up Tight”. And we thought all these hip phrases were invented in the West, when in reality they have been closely guarded Arab secrets.
Once our boy George is firmly, err “in place”, and the new 60” oil pipeline from Baghdad to Houston (constructed by Halliburton) is pumping $500 million dollars of crude into the US economy every day, and all the Iraqis have been convinced that Texas democracy is a good thing, and that they will like it, then we’ll start on Phase 2, which is their “conversion”. We’ll export Jim Baker and the other TV evangelists and turn them loose to fleece the Iraqi’s of the rest of their money.
Can I get an “AMEN”?
1) As we've now managed to turn Iraq into a welfare state, without anything resembling a working infrastructure (although Halliburton and others were paid billions for a "reconstruction" that isn’t), and it's totally dependent on the billions we're still pumping into it, let’s just go ahead and annex it and make it the 51st state. Dubya still has one year left in office, so he still has plenty of time to rig this, probably as easily as his “election” was.
Iraq becoming the 51st state would make as much or more sense as when Alaska became the 49th state, and for several of the same reasons (Oil, oil and oil; and location, location, location). Never mind that the indigenous population initially might be a bit unhappy about becoming Americans, just as the native Alaskans were, they (the Iraqi's) could eventually be persuaded this is in their best interests. And what better way to boost the US's oil reserves and solve our energy crisis? Just imagine what it will do for the US economy and the value of the dollar? Shoot, we could become an oil exporter again, and finally tell the Saudis to get stuffed…..
2) Then Dubya would be appointed as Iraq’s first governor-in-residence in return for a job well done over the last eight years in the White House...... Now this might take a bit of friendly arm twisting, but eventually he would be persuaded to see the light. After all, this would finally give him the opportunity to experience a foreign culture first hand (something he sorely lacked prior to being appointed president). And it would also give the former Leader of the Free World an unprecedented opportunity to prove that Texas “democracy” does work in the middle east (of course it works - they're our 51st state now!) Besides that, the Republican party probably wouldn't mind loosing him to the Iraqis, as it were. After all, they really don't want a loose cannon after retirement, spouting vacuous gibberish without benefit of a press secretary to stuff a sock in it. Bad for the party’s image, after all. Who knows, after awhile he might even decide to swap his Levi’s and Tony Lama’s for a galabeya and sandals, and start spouting “Salaam Alakum y’all”. With his newfound attire, he’d also finally learn the hidden meaning behind “Hang Loose”, “Let it all Hang Out”, “Be Cool”, and my personal favorite “Up Tight”. And we thought all these hip phrases were invented in the West, when in reality they have been closely guarded Arab secrets.
Once our boy George is firmly, err “in place”, and the new 60” oil pipeline from Baghdad to Houston (constructed by Halliburton) is pumping $500 million dollars of crude into the US economy every day, and all the Iraqis have been convinced that Texas democracy is a good thing, and that they will like it, then we’ll start on Phase 2, which is their “conversion”. We’ll export Jim Baker and the other TV evangelists and turn them loose to fleece the Iraqi’s of the rest of their money.
Can I get an “AMEN”?