This one is for Jim Craik

Keith

Moderator
I'm pretty sure I've seen it before but regretfully, right now, I do not appear to have enough bandwidth to even start it up - and that at 10.30 Sunday morning.. :(
 
Titter ye much you lot, the sweaty socks are a fine race. Many a good invention has emerged from Scotland, wire for instance was invented in Scotland. It came about when two Scotsmen got fighting over a penny.:stunned:

Bob
 

Keith

Moderator
Aye and ye know the outcome. They was both arrested and accused of Breaking Into a Penny.

But they was both let off and discharged as it was their first offence...

They still don't beat Yorkshiremen when being fiscally 'careful' though.
 
that reminds me of the Scotsman who rushed into a pub in London one day, in rather a bit of a hurry , and says to the barman
"canya gime 6double whyskies and make it quick"
the bar man lines them up and the Scotsman downs them in an instant, then says
"better line em up again laddie
so the barman pours 6 more and the Scotsman downs them like theres no tomorrow.
then he say, you know in all my 40 years as a barman I have never before seen a man drink scotch like that
"Aye but e would if ye have what I have" says the Scotsman in reply
"good god man it must be serious what is it you have"
the Scotsman just looked at him gave a big beaming smile and says


50p
 
Aye and ye know the outcome. They was both arrested and accused of Breaking Into a Penny.

But they was both let off and discharged as it was their first offence...

They still don't beat Yorkshiremen when being fiscally 'careful' though.

Keith you know they are one and the same thing, its a little known fact that a Yorkshireman is in fact a Scotsman. They dropped out of the meltwaters at the end of the last ice age and were to tight to pay for the transport home.

Bob
 

Keith

Moderator
There are no pockets in a kilt and a Yorkshire-mans pockets are very very deep.

(Shhh, we'll have to be a bit careful here, as I know Jimmymac peeks in here now and then, as do others from the frozen - or should that be chosen? North And we wouldn't want yet another uprising would we?)
 

Keith

Moderator
NOW you've done it. We'll be hearing all about Bogie Laird (was he a titled person that invented golf?) :shrug:
 
If you have five minutes watch this ,funny as f@ck

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMDg4oVAR8E]Catherine tate Show Nan & Scotch woman - YouTube[/ame]

Bob
 

Keith

Moderator
Well it seems very quiet in Jockland so I'll take the opportunity of posting this.

Don't know where it came from, don't know if it's true, I didn't change the names even to protect the innocent.

By all means change it to London and pass it on.

London Can Take It! :thumbsup:

These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicide.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13.While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his Airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.


 
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