Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Hahahah Gold!
The Tunnel
Sitting together on a train travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a solid middle aged Greek lady, and a pretty young Swiss blonde girl with great boobs.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Aussie has a bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks.
The Greek lady thinks:
The Aussie guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That Aussie guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the Greek lady and she slapped his cheek.
The Aussie thinks:
That Kiwi bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark, she tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.
The Kiwi thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack the Aussie again!
This guy goes into a bar looking real depressed, and orders a drink. As soon as it hits the bar, the man shoots it down and orders another. The sympathetic bartender asks, "Any thing you want to talk about?"
The depressed man replies "Well for the last couple months, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So today, I took the day off work to follow her. When I came home for lunch, I caught her screwing my best friend."
"Wow" replied the bartender, "If you don't mind me asking, what do you say to your best friend in that situation?"The man replied, "Well I looked him right in the eye, and I yelled, BAD DOG!!!"
.............................................................................................................................
An Australian Love Poem. Who said Australians weren't romantic?
Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.