Paraprosdokian Competition...

[Keith]

I'll start:

"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

 

[Jack]

The first one coming to mind is:
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

[Jack]

And a WOGGISM:

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 

[Jack]

One of my fav's:

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

 

[John]

always remember the rs you kicked on the way up, will be the one you lick on the way down.

 

[Pat]

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

 

[Keith]

Good stuff - keep them coming.

Here's one for Jim:

"War does not determine who is right - only who is left"

 

[Terry Oxandale]

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

 

[Robert May Eng.]

Money can't buy happiness, but it will make misery easier to live with

or

Nostalgia is not what it used to be.

Bob

 

[Al Wohlstrom]

"It is well to remember that evil is a pretty bad thing." Batman

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 

[Pete McCluskey.]

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

 

[Nick]

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”

“Money can't buy you friends, but you do get a better class of enemy. ”

“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.”

The trouble with political jokes is, they get elected.

 

[Pete McCluskey.]

Money can't buy happiness, but it's better being miserable in a Ferrari than on a bicycle.

 

[Pete McCluskey.]

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

 

[Al Wohlstrom]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

 

[Al Wohlstrom]

I hate it when ugly people say "I need my beauty sleep". Damn, they need to hibernate.

Sometimes you need to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.

I'm not saying "let's go kill all the stupid people, I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out".

Why is patience a virtue? Why can't hurry the fuck up be a virtue?

I've go to stop saying how stupid can you be? To many people are taking it as a challenge.

 

[Randy V]

My favorite saying...

Nothing hurts quite like pain!

 

[Keith]

Come on - millions more before we pick a winner..

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car"

 

[Joey Dean]

Never wrestle with a pig. Even if you win you'll get dirty and the pig still likes it.

 

[Stephen Ducker]

Hire a teenager quick ! whilst they still know everything.

Regards Steve