Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
- Start date
Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to me that I should bring my own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
I apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
I said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. I went on to explain:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machines burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then. We drank from a bubbler when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to anger us. Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart aleck who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much!!
I apologized to the young girl and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."
I said that she was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its day. I went on to explain:
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.
We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.
Back then we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machines burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then. We drank from a bubbler when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.
We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to anger us. Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smart aleck who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much!!
A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No,” he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."
The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cut we don't have a car."
"Please,” he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap tap - but we can't seem to do anything about it."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee."
The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?"
"Oh, heck no, he's as white as you and me!"
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why the devil do you want a divorce?
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The danged fool says he can't communicate with me."
"About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No,” he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."
The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cut we don't have a car."
"Please,” he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap tap - but we can't seem to do anything about it."
"Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee."
The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?"
"Oh, heck no, he's as white as you and me!"
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why the devil do you want a divorce?
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The danged fool says he can't communicate with me."
Waiting for the punchline Larry - this is the jokes section after all mate.. :shifty:
Having said that, completely agree..
The Italian said:
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for five minutes."
The Frenchman said:
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes."
The Englishman said:
That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"
The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop, for five minutes."
The Frenchman said:
"Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes."
The Englishman said:
That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two full hours? Wow! That's phenomenal, what did you do it to make her scream for two hours?"
The Englishman replied: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Bruce comes home from the pup to see his wife watching Gordon Ramsey's cooking show.
"What are you watching that shit for, you can't cook to save your life" he said.
She replied " you watch porn movies don't you".
"What are you watching that shit for, you can't cook to save your life" he said.
She replied " you watch porn movies don't you".
Yep, yep...:rockonsmile:
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Philosophical perspectives to help us through the new year:
SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.
FIVE OTHER SIMPLE TRUTHS:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the arsehole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
SIMPLE TRUTH 1:
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2:
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congratulations".
But, none of them touch the man's penis and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.
FIVE OTHER SIMPLE TRUTHS:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the arsehole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.
Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
A London lawyer representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client:*
"James, I have some good news and I have some bad news."*
The art collector replied, "I've had a terrible day; let's hear the good news first."*
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested £5,000 in two pictures that* she thinks will bring a minimum of £5-10 million. I think she could be right."*
James was delighted and enthusiastically replied, "Well done! My wife has a brilliant business acumen! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"*
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."* *
"James, I have some good news and I have some bad news."*
The art collector replied, "I've had a terrible day; let's hear the good news first."*
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested £5,000 in two pictures that* she thinks will bring a minimum of £5-10 million. I think she could be right."*
James was delighted and enthusiastically replied, "Well done! My wife has a brilliant business acumen! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"*
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you and your secretary."* *
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Finally, the true story as told by Hillary Clinton to world leaders.
"Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice.
He wasn't the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a bit dirty. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.
"Just before the meal, Bill noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was assured that many chefs did that.
"Dinner went okay, although Bill thought that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he started to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself.
"By now, he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.
"As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was about to pass out, this naive girl bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice:
"Sack my cook"
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred."
"Some years ago, nearing dinner time at the White House, our regular cook fell ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice.
He wasn't the smartest looking guy, in fact he seemed a bit dirty. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.
"Just before the meal, Bill noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was assured that many chefs did that.
"Dinner went okay, although Bill thought that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he started to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself.
"By now, he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.
"As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was about to pass out, this naive girl bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice:
"Sack my cook"
"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the whole misunderstanding occurred."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No,just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No,just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
AN MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN.......
“To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter “u” will be reinstated in words such as “colour”, “favour”, “labour” and “neighbour”. Likewise, you will learn to spell “doughnut” without skipping half the letters,
and the suffix “-ize” will be replaced by the suffix “-ise”.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up “vocabulary”).
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter “u'' and the elimination of “-ize.”
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.
Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.
If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby.
(which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.”
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN........
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
“To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
(You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter “u” will be reinstated in words such as “colour”, “favour”, “labour” and “neighbour”. Likewise, you will learn to spell “doughnut” without skipping half the letters,
and the suffix “-ize” will be replaced by the suffix “-ise”.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up “vocabulary”).
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like” and “you know” is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter “u'' and the elimination of “-ize.”
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent.
Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.
If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips.
Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby.
(which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.”
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN........
PS: Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
I think HRH and our resident grammar Nazi may well be shocked to read an message
Bob
Bob
What are brides thinking as they smile walking down the church aisle?
"No more blowjobs"
"No more blowjobs"
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
God Said, "Adam, I want you to do
Something for Me."
Adam
Said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?"
God Said, "Go down
Into that Valley."
Adam said, "What's A valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the River."
Adam said, "What's a River?"
God explained that To him, and then
said, "Go over to the Hill....."
Adam said,"What is a Hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On The Other side of the
Hill you will find a Cave."
Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'
After God explained, He Said, "In the cave
You will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a Woman?'
So God explained That to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I Want you To
Reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do That?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, Just like
everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as Well.
So, Adam goes down Into The valley,
Across the river, and Over the hill,
Into the Cave, and finds the
Woman.
Then, in About five
minutes, he was back.
God, His patience Wearing thin,
said Angrily, "What is It Now?"
And Adam
said....
*
*
"What's a Headache?"
Something for Me."
Adam
Said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
Want me to do?"
God Said, "Go down
Into that Valley."
Adam said, "What's A valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the River."
Adam said, "What's a River?"
God explained that To him, and then
said, "Go over to the Hill....."
Adam said,"What is a Hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On The Other side of the
Hill you will find a Cave."
Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'
After God explained, He Said, "In the cave
You will find a woman."
Adam said, "What's a Woman?'
So God explained That to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I Want you To
Reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do That?"
God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."
And then, Just like
everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as Well.
So, Adam goes down Into The valley,
Across the river, and Over the hill,
Into the Cave, and finds the
Woman.
Then, in About five
minutes, he was back.
God, His patience Wearing thin,
said Angrily, "What is It Now?"
And Adam
said....
*
*
"What's a Headache?"
Who be that then? Who be the grammer Nasty?I think HRH and our resident grammar Nazi may well be shocked to read an message
Bob
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--> Donation
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'