Jokes

David Morton

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A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because; over the years they have become loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon. "I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. "I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."

"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" she asked.
"That's from a man in the burn unit; he wanted to thank you for his new ears."
 
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in
Jersey to say hello to this friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto excepta for da train ride down."

"Whaddyou mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia , she pack a biga basketa food.
She bringa da vino, some nicea cigars for me, and we werea lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basaket .
The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car.'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.'

So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again
and say, 'No a smokina in disa car. Musta go to a smokina car ..'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia, and I, we go to a sleeper
car anda go to bed. We just about to go badabing badaboom and the conductore, he walka through da hallway
shouting at a topa his a voice..

'Nofolka Virginia !
Nofolka Virginia !

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."
 
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