Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
- Start date
Brains vs. Braun
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you've got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles, then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you've got."
Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles, then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as “smoke”.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit,
it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical
testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly
ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be
observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary
and inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of
the system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British
tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.
And remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.”
Joseph Lucas “The Prince of Darkness”
1842-1903
A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start
Back in the ‘70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which
did not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their
refrigerators
Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
manifestation known as “smoke”.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit,
it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical
testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly
ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be
observed that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary
and inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of
the system, nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and
all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British
tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph
Lucas, Ltd.
And remember: “A gentleman does not motor about after dark.”
Joseph Lucas “The Prince of Darkness”
1842-1903
A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: “Get home before dark.”
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start
Back in the ‘70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which
did not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their
refrigerators
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee,
So they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
She would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
That had a wreath with a ribbon on it,
So she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,
So he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee,
So they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
She would take off her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
That had a wreath with a ribbon on it,
So she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home.
The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over,
So he phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.
My wife came home with no panties!!"
"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the two words, "Complete" and "Finish". In a recently held linguistic competition held in London attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man was the clear winner with a standing ovation lasting over five minutes.
Here is his answer. His final question was this...
Explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED .
Here is his answer .... when you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!
Here is his answer. His final question was this...
Explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED .
Here is his answer .... when you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
A Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large -
break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
"Looks like he's still fuckin celebrating!!!
There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large -
break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says:
"See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:
"Looks like he's still fuckin celebrating!!!
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
First Christmas Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'
And So The Christmas Season
Begins......
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
On the other hand
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are
120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is
0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is
80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups,
is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner
is
.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So,statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends
tothis
alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Out of concern for the public at large,
I've withheld the statistics on
lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are
120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is
0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is
80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups,
is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner
is
.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So,statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends
tothis
alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Out of concern for the public at large,
I've withheld the statistics on
lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
A man goes into a bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?
I can't remember the title."
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
The man said, "That's the one, I'll take a copy."
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?
I can't remember the title."
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
The man said, "That's the one, I'll take a copy."
arf arf
Indeed!
Attachments
An Englishman visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Taff “'Gooday, I have a special gift from God - I can talk with animals. Mind if I talk to your dog?”
The Villager replied “'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English "Parentless child".”
The man turned to the dog and asked “Hello dog, how's it going mate? And the dog replied “'Yeah, doin' all right.” Taff looked extremely shocked.
The man, pointing at the villager, went on “'Is this villager your owner?”. “Yep” replied the dog. “And how does he treat you?” continued the man. The dog said “'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Taff looked on with utter disbelief.
The man said to Taff “Mind if I talk to your horse?” Taff replied “'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.”
So the man said to the horse “'Hey horse, how's it going?” and the horse replied “Cool”.'
Taff was absolutely dumbfounded.
The man, pointing at the villager, said “Is this your owner? “Yep” replied the horse. “So how does he treat you?” the man asked, and the horse replied “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.”
Taff looked on in utter amazement.
The man asked “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Taff, in a panic, replied “The sheep's a liar……
The Villager replied “'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English "Parentless child".”
The man turned to the dog and asked “Hello dog, how's it going mate? And the dog replied “'Yeah, doin' all right.” Taff looked extremely shocked.
The man, pointing at the villager, went on “'Is this villager your owner?”. “Yep” replied the dog. “And how does he treat you?” continued the man. The dog said “'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Taff looked on with utter disbelief.
The man said to Taff “Mind if I talk to your horse?” Taff replied “'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.”
So the man said to the horse “'Hey horse, how's it going?” and the horse replied “Cool”.'
Taff was absolutely dumbfounded.
The man, pointing at the villager, said “Is this your owner? “Yep” replied the horse. “So how does he treat you?” the man asked, and the horse replied “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.”
Taff looked on in utter amazement.
The man asked “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Taff, in a panic, replied “The sheep's a liar……
So you want a day off huh? Well, let's just take a look at what you're asking for ok?
There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you've used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you're gonna take that day off!
Differences Between You And Your Boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're ass-kissing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you've used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be damned if you're gonna take that day off!
Differences Between You And Your Boss
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're ass-kissing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
One of my favorite quotes, from Don Vito Corleone:
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse"
Another one, from Sonny Corleone:
"I don't want my brother coming out of that bathroom with nothing but his dick in his hand.."
Fellow godfather fans should feel free to share others.....
"I'll make him an offer he can't refuse"
Another one, from Sonny Corleone:
"I don't want my brother coming out of that bathroom with nothing but his dick in his hand.."
Fellow godfather fans should feel free to share others.....
YOU HAVE TO LOVE A GOOD NURSE
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however,the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all was well; however,the policeman kept feeling something pulling at his pubic hairs.
Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence,
"Get well soon from the nurse in the Landrover you booked for speeding last week."
Kind of brings tears to your eyes doesn't it?
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
I had an incident years ago, rather similar to that. I had the pleasure of having a MD state police officer come in at the end of his shift on a Saturday night, with a rowdy and hostile drunk. Unfortunately, the police officer had written me a ticket within a few weeks of that time, and he and I recognized each other. He asked me if I could take his fellow before everyone else so he could get out on time and get home. I said nothing doing and sent him to the waiting room for a few hours. What goes around comes around.
WARNING! RACIST JOKE! LIBERALS AND OTHER TOUCHY FEELY GIRLS DO NOT READ!
The Blood Donor
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the
surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally so
the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot
willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his
blood, a new BMW, diamonds & $10,000 USD.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to
donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a
box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture
as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,
that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money,
but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma
veins".
The Blood Donor
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the
surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally so
the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot
willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his
blood, a new BMW, diamonds & $10,000 USD.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective
surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to
donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a
box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture
as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again,
that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money,
but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma
veins".
David Lowe
Lifetime Supporter
Late Night Phone Call To The Vet
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said,
"Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me," he replied.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion,
so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
Oh, boy, is THAT ever true.
