Two Blondes

Hi All,

Perhaps we need some light relief!

Cape Town recently suffered a spate of power failures due to some technical problems at out local nuclear power station.

A blonde says to her blonde friend, 'You know the other day I had a terrible experience. I was stuck in a lift for two hours.'

'That's nothing,' replied her friend, "I was stuck on an escalator for four hours.'

He, he, he
Andre 40
 
Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. She just stands there, holding the bulb, and the whole world revolves around her...
(Not mine)

Not mine either but I really like this one:-

Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "Coping with darkness".

Tim.
 
Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but the bulb must really want to change.

Q. How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None. That's a hardware problem.
Or: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.
Or: Two, because one always leaves in the middle of the project.

Q. How many hardware suppliers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. That's a software problem.
Or: None. They just get marketing to sell the dead bulb as a feature.

I could go on, but I won't.
 

David

Lifetime Supporter
Equal Time

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm jumping too."
The Blond Guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The Blond Guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Blonde's wife. The Blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
 
Re: Equal Time

When Gene Pitney died they had a problem - should they make a coffin from oak, which would take three weeks.... or 24 hours from Balsa!
 
Re: Equal Time

How many times does a blonde laugh at a joke?
Three times.
1. When you tell it
2. When you explain it
3. When they get it.

/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 

Keith

Moderator
Re: Equal Time

The Redhead

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the Doctor's' office and says that her body hurts. Wherever she touches it.

Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on Her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony. She pushes Her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle And screams.. Everywhere she touches makes her Scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a Redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a Blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your Finger is broken."
 

Ian Anderson

Lifetime Supporter
Supporter
Re: Equal Time

Or the "best" Out of Office Replies


1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday on 4 April. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.you are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

7. I've run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

9. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.When I return, please refer to me as 'Margaret' instead of 'Steve'.

Ian
 
Re: Equal Time

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"
 

Keith

Moderator
Blondes Strike back!

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand (£20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
 
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