Jokes anyone? -

[Larry L.]

'Just remembered an oldie but goody:

During Sunday services one weekend, a preacher was really getting into a 'fire and brimstone' sermon when the doors of the church burst open and there stood satan ( I won't capitalize it!) himself. Recognizing santan immediately, the stunned preacher dove out of the nearest window, and when the congregation turned to see what had spooked the preacher - they all bolted for the nearest exit as well...except for one elderly widower who was seated in the front row of the church.

Puzzled, satan stomped over to the old gentleman and asked: "Do you know who I am?" The old gentleman replied, "Yeeeup." "Aren't you afraid of me?!", satan bellowed. 'Nope", the old man replied. "You DO KNOW I could make life very painful for you not to mention END IT if I wanted to do so, don't you?" Yeeeup", the old man replied. "Then WHY aren't you afraid of me!!!", satan demanded.

The old man replied: "I was married to your sister..."

 

[Don]

I have just bought my Wife a wooden leg for Christmas, it's not her main present, just a stocking filler !!!

I'll get my coat.

 

[Ian Anderson]

If you want to buy your wife apresent she will never forget, and remind you as such, ................
buy her a mop!

 

[Larry L.]

If you want to buy your wife apresent she will never forget, and remind you as such, ................
buy her a mop!

Yeeeeew better hope your wife doesn't read that!

 

[Randy V]

 

[Mike Pass]

 

[Nick]

 

[Randy V]

 

[flatchat(Chris)]

https://www.facebook.com/413132078795966/posts/3304663632976115

 

[flatchat(Chris)]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=175528970340235

 

[Larry L.]

'Just thought of another 'oldie' (or 'groaner', depending on one's point of view):

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of his life
which created huge calluses on his feet. He also didn't eat much, so he was rather
frail as a result...and because what he DID eat was rather 'odd', he suffered from bad breath, too.

Taken altogether, one might say he was a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

[flatchat(Chris)]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=158042635821390

 

[JimmyMac]

COVID humour

• The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
• I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
• 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
• The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.
• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
• Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
• This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
• I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
• Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.

 

[Rick Muck- Mark IV]

COVID humour

• The dumbest thing I ever bought was a 2020 planner.
• I was so bored I called Jake from State Farm just to talk to someone. He asked me what I was wearing.
• 2019: Stay away from negative people. 2020: Stay away from positive people.
• The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house & their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors!
• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog. It was obvious she thought her dog understood her. I came into my house & told my cat. We laughed a lot.
• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
• Does anyone know if we can take showers yet or should we just keep washing our hands?
• This virus has done what no woman has been able to do. Cancel sports, shut down all bars & keep men at home!
• I never thought the comment, “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to the Backyard. I’m getting tired of the Living Room.
• Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask & ask for money.

It's like I'm back in high school, gas is cheap and girls won't come within six feet of me!

 

[flatchat(Chris)]

https://www.facebook.com/598613848/posts/10161257736258849

 

[Mike Pass]

 

[Mike Pass]

 

[Mike Pass]

 

[Bill Kearley]

Try this one. OK it wouldn't upload, what is an allowed extension?

 

[Nick]

Warning contains Aussie vernacular.