Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
It's tame, alright.
Jokes anyone? -
- Thread starter p thompson
- Start date
Hmmmmmm...'shows up for me...???
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
I've gone blind as well.
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Ok you got us........I think.
I remember seeing a post about how awful the new drones are and the threat to aviation. Well those guys must be bored, with nothing better to do. Especially when you can do this with the right drone. And it doesn't need to go over 100 feet off the ground!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PptMrBFAO-A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PptMrBFAO-A
Arthur is 85 years of age. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.
One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.
My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take
my brother with you, and give it one more try."
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."
"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"
"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.
"I dont know can't remember."
One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.
My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take
my brother with you, and give it one more try."
"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."
"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.
He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"
"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."
"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.
"I dont know can't remember."
Keith, this is funny so don't flag me. You'll laugh until you have tears in your eyes. It is from Jimmy Kimmel. Merry Christmas to all us believers. Ho Ho Ho
https://www.youtube.com/embed/nxreQ6B_t6o
https://www.youtube.com/embed/nxreQ6B_t6o
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus wrecked.Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? The perfect woman survived. She is the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Women: stop reading here that is the end of the joke.
Men: keep scrolling...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car wreck. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, it illustrates another point: women never listen.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated, and the perfect couple and Santa Claus wrecked.Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? The perfect woman survived. She is the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
Women: stop reading here that is the end of the joke.
Men: keep scrolling...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car wreck. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, it illustrates another point: women never listen.
Jim Rosenthal
Supporter
She says: did you say something?
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
As it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority, try this one:
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welsh man, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, an Armenian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.
Wait for it!
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "
I`m glad I`m too far away for you to throw something!!
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welsh man, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Pakistani, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Jordanian, an Armenian, a Kiwi, a Swede, a Finn, a Canadian, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, an Argentinian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an African went to a night club.
Wait for it!
The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "
I`m glad I`m too far away for you to throw something!!
David Morton
Lifetime Supporter
Who writes that crap................................?
Ron, an elderly man, had managed a large farm for many, many years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Some old men can still think as fast as they ever could.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Some old men can still think as fast as they ever could.
Reminds me of the guy that was refused entry to a nightclub by the bouncer because he wasn't wearing a tie.(!) He ran back to his car, fished out a set of jumper leads from the boot, wrapped then around his neck and went back for another try.
The bouncer looked him up and down and at the dubious tie and said, "Weeel OK then, you can come in, but don't start anything."
Glenn M
Supporter
So that's it then, no need to click on this thread any more as we've gone full circle and ended up back at the very beginning!!
Glenn
Pete McCluskey.
Lifetime Supporter
Ron, an elderly man, had managed a large farm for many, many years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some orange and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"
Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."
Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Some old men can still think as fast as they ever could.
Jack I thought I'd seen that one before.. See page one, post #1 of this thread.
Charlie Farley
Supporter
Who is Pete..
And remember what exactly ?
And remember what exactly ?
